oh I hear you describing MY kid here! lol!!!
except mine had it all at school...and I'm sorry, but to me, readinga book underr the desk isn't defiant, it's my kid remembering me saying "I'd rather hear you were reading under the desk than talking to other kids or running around the room"
My DD8...so many times I tried to tell people that NONE of the rewards/consequences/timeouts/removal of priveleges, etc ever worked. I shoud have seen it coming...time outs didn't make much difference when she was littler
I TOTALLY echo ABQmom and DeHe...it's all in HOW and WHAT you say to some of these kids. I also realized the way we speak to each other in our home has led to a situation where our DD might have felt disrespected in the classroom and in turn, did not respect her teachers...
In our house, it would go like this...
Please get dressed now, it's almost time to go. (BTW-I am the ONLY "rusher" in a family of dawdlers.I know this about them and make sure to give them all plenty of warning.)
and honestly, then they get dressed.
We ALWAYS speak to each other politely...but there is a way to make even a command sound more pleasing, you know? I would suggest you also be FIRM, do not end your sentances with questions or make it sound like there is a choice. I DO try to be sensitive to the fact that my intense children need more time than others to disengage from one task and move to another...they are marathon runners, not sprinters
I also agree with the list of non-negotiables. Several of my friends have these items as "house rules". You can involve the whole family in making these rules (making sure to slip in basics like "no hitting" or, I prefer "We only touch each other with love and kindness", emphasize the positive). In our house, we also refer to it as "Team 2giftgirls". So...TEAM 2gifts only touches people with love...TEAM 2gifts uses nice tablemanners...TEAM 2gifts looks both ways before crossing the street...I think you get the idea.
One more thing to note, because I find it so interesting...so many people seem to say their kid either is great at school then awful at home, or vice versa. A kid I know said "I use up all my good at school". I honestly think you might spend a day or two observing his school environment,since you said you feel he sometimes needs to "let it out" at home. The pressure of not having choices (or fear of making the wrong choice) may be the root of the problem?
