SiaSL - No - but we do expect that he lies somewhere on the spectrum. It's just too hard to tell at this age how much. It's also hard to tell if what he has right now constitutes as a language delay for HFA. He is super sensitive to sensory issues - both hypo and hyper, and he's already showing some social issues with other kids, but part of that could be because he's a toddler. I don't believe he has shown any signs of regressive forms of autism - he's more in the Aspie/HFA line.
Dude - thank you for the suggestions. I agree that the comforting can be a form of reward, but not comforting when he's beyond upset would go too far against my own personal parenting philosophy. I hope that I've found enough of a middle ground to only comfort him when he's past the point of being manipulative. But you're right in that it could lead to larger issues. I'll have to keep a close eye on myself and critically evaluate the reaction I'm having each time.
I will say that your daughter sounds a lot like mine at that age. I did set limits and was consistent in my approach with her, but she also didn't feel the emotions as intensely. I don't know if this is a "different kids need different approaches" situation or if I am really being too inconsistent with him. I'd like to think it's the former, but wouldn't we all?
Austin - that's a great thread and reminds me of my daughter at this age. She's always been my little lawyer.
Dad22 - We haven't discussed with our pediatrician, but I don't really like our pediatrician. I think I need to find a new one. We did consider sign language, but when he said his first sentence at 6 months, we decided not to go there. Now 18 months later, he still barely talks. (Not in a regressive way - when he does talk, he shows a lot of language skills). It almost feels too late, but I think it would help with a lot of the frustration. I'm going to look into it.
You're right that a lot of it is about what we're willing to do and how far we're willing to go. There has been a lot of compromise lately to avoid meltdowns. "We can't make a smoothie yet, but you can help me clean the broccoli and put it in the steamer." I think for him, he just wants to be involved in something - I'm not sure he cares what it is. But the broccoli incident had me watching very careful for his small fingers around a big knife. So it was an uncomfortable moment.
Annette - thank you for your very valuable feedback. I really like this approach - it gels well with my parenting philosophy. I'm going to give it a try and see how it works over the next few weeks. I noticed that he responds more when I get really close to him and speak very softly to him. And it couldn't hurt to give him more empathy skills since he's on the spectrum somewhere (though it's important to add that I don't believe autism necessarily equates to a lack of empathy.)
