annette: I think you may have misunderstood my post. When I discussed consistency and discipline, I limited it to just those two applications: tantrums, and incessant asking for the same thing. They're two sides of the same coin, which is negative behaviors in order to get what the child wants.
I agree that empathy has its place, and we always try to be generous with it when appropriate. The trick with toddlers is trying to figure out when it's appropriate. You might think she's bawling because you moved the sharp object out of her reach and she wants it, and you might have missed that she whacked her hand on the edge of the table when she reached for it.
In the place of negative behaviors, the empathy comes AFTER the tantrum has subsided to a reasonable degree. Because not only do you not want to reward the negative behavior, but the child also has to learn to self-soothe.
This topic here is particularly relevant to gifted kids, because they generally experience emotions with far more intensity. It was just last year my daughter started crying her eyes out while watching some movie or other with puppies, because, "They're so cuuuuuuuute!"
