Jealousy is a tough one. So is dealing with the NCLB egalitarian attitude, which seems morally just until you experience the downside.
Maybe you could mention this study, which seems to show that when overly broad entry criteria are used for a gifted program, kids at the cutoff get no benefit or even a slight detriment.
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/105328/1.htmlOf course, they might come away with the idea that all gifted schooling is worthless.
I think you're doing as well as you can. I dealt with some jealousy already over a simple grade skip, and it is tough. From what I've experienced, simply talking about your child's poor academic fit may alienate some parents, who jump to the conclusion that you're saying your child is better than theirs.
That's why I think it is a problem that's impossible to solve perfectly. In order to respond to questions with a true explanation, you have to talk about your child's needs. The need for more advancement, a faster pace, different materials, etc. shows that your child is likely brighter than that of intensely questioning pushy parent X. Ducking questions will often just postpone the problem, and there's sometimes no way to duck a very pointed question.
I guess you could try saying that you agree with them to some extent, that you see a lot of problems with education in general. Commiserate. Then say that you feel very lucky that your daughter is going to get a better chance at a real education.
I often find labeling children loathsome (though I also understand how testing and identification can be vital), so I could honestly say that to such people.
