How about: "You've provided opportunities and experiences for your child that other parents are not able to provide." (Code for pushy parent or your kid might not actually be that smart.)
Also, "I haven't been able to work with my child outside of school." (Code for my kid is as smart as yours but I dont' hothouse mine.)
Don't get mad, get even!
Folks never say stuff like that around me, because they must know that I'd say:
"Oh, do you feel bad that you haven't worked with your child?" or
"Which opportunities do you wish you could provide?"
"you know, it makes me so sad when other parents look at my kid and think that their child is 'behind' in some way. It's understandable, but please don't go there. Your child is just right for the developmental path she is on. My child is just right for his alternative route."
Of course, I've been practicing sincerity for a long time, and have gotten pretty good at it.
If the other parent will let me, I'll start brainstorming ways that they could get their wish, but usually we end up talking about how each parent has their own strengths and that they have probably made the exact right resource allocation based on their family's needs and values.
I mean, I've done plenty of things that look like hothousing to other people, sometimes strategically (typing) but mostly because those activities are near and dear to my heart. I think that the sooner we take 'hothousing' as a pride word the happier we'll be. Why should we let others define the terms of the debate?
I know that lots of Moms here don't ever hothouse, but I'd like to reserve the option for you in case you ever have reason to believe that a little nudge is the next right thing to do.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
