I've been wondering whether maybe I have ADHD (inattentive) because it's become hard to function. I feel like I can't remember anything, can't focus on anything. For a long time, I've blamed it on motherhood and getting older... But maybe it really is just that I'm in this place where it feels like my brain is shrinking every day from lack of stimulation yet overwhelmed by what seems meaningless."
Yes! This is precisely how I feel. (I think I really do have ADD, though--it is just exacerbated by the circumstances.)
I've never been good at memorizing fact based information. For a long time I thought I had a problem with my memory in general. At the same time, people were often commenting on how well I could remember conversations I had years earlier, various events, who was there, what people were good at and what people are not so good at.
I realized it was not my memory that was the problem, it was what kind of information my brain is tuned to remember. So I will not be good at crossword puzzles or Jeopardy. But I at least realized what I was good at. Now it comes down to figuring out how to make use of this and even better would be to be able to make a living out of this.
Over my years of working, I have occasionally been asked to do some of the things I am not particularly skilled at. When I was younger, it was easier, but as I have aged, it has become increasingly difficult. I don't think it is ADD, but more the fact my brain is progressively becoming wired better and better for the skills I am good at. The negative result of this is I am at the same time getting worse and worse at what I have never been good at.
At the same time I am getting worse at what a lot of so called normal people are good at, the fact I am seeing myself as getting worse, has caused me to worry about whether society will recognize my value. Sometimes when I find myself struggling, I begin to get worried about it and then my emotions make the problem even worse. It's like a chain reaction.
I don't doubt there may be some ADD medication, which allows people like myself to function better in these areas others have little trouble with. The part that bothers me is I like how my brain works and don't want to change it.
