I'd respond...
but I fear that I can't come up with anything intelligible at this point. It's been years since I worked actively in my field, and there are still days when I want to CRY with frustration at all the things that I
know that I used to know... and don't now.
There are days when I feel that about half of my brain has rotted away...
life is very
dull and frustrating when you can't ever face novel challenges in your areas of strength/passion. I was never meant to be a SAHM. Never-- it relies on my weakest skills and leaves my strengths entirely untapped. It's awful. Thank goodness I've spent these years with an EG/PG child, because at least that's a four year old who is interested in quantum mechanics. I hate to imagine what this would have been like with a child with "average" interests and abilities.
(I guess that's a horrible thing to admit, isn't it?) Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't do anything differently (medical needs dictated the choice-- not much way around the fact that with a child that is in a precarious position, you can't BOTH work 70 hour weeks anymore), but I'm painfully aware of the
price that it has exacted from me. I've lost so much ground at this point that I secretly fear that I
couldn't go back even if I had the opportunity-- because I've lost too much of my edge now.
