Timely thread. I recently gave notice to my manager, for just this reason. I told him I HAD to do something different, or I had to leave. My job has become overly bureaucratic, and it drives me nuts. In addition, I work from home, so I don't get a social fix either. I'm transitioning into a different role, still WAH, but I hope the change wll help.
What I find maddening is that my life seems to be defined by the management of meaningless minutiae, both at work and at home: Did I provide higher-level management with all the necessary details at work? Did I sign all the school papers for the kids? When is DS9's xyz project due? Did we send so-and-so a b'day card? Dental appointments... Camp deadlines... Housework (that never gets done)... Where's the meaningful part of life? I love DC and DH, and we do a lot of activities for/with DC, which we think is important, but I really don't have anything to sink MY teeth into IYKWIM.
I've been wondering whether maybe I have ADHD (inattentive) because it's become hard to function. I feel like I can't remember anything, can't focus on anything. For a long time, I've blamed it on motherhood and getting older... But maybe it really is just that I'm in this place where it feels like my brain is shrinking every day from lack of stimulation yet overwhelmed by what seems meaningless.
I've also realized that I have a new song running in my head when I wake up in the morning. This had always been the case until some point after I started that job, and I only realized when the songs came back.
I thought I was weird for having a song in my head constantly. I asked the psych who did DS's IQ/Ach testing recently, and she told me it's very common in gifties to have a song or running dialog in their head in the background. Unlike Val, though, the songs are still there despite the current situation, but instead of being pleasant, they are just one more distraction. To block the distracted feeling, I listen to music in headphones all day when I'm alone. Without that, I find I get nothing done.
Putting me in a room with nothing but AM is like putting me in a sensory deprivation chamber. My brain has no input to keep it focused and it just goes into a dream state.
As I have aged, I am finding the techniques allowing me to work on this stuff I find complicated are less and less effective.
Jamie, you put it better than I ever could have.
Anyway, I lost the job a couple months ago, and am now doing contract work that involves stuff that's more interesting. Not earning like I was before, but we're okay. Now I spend a lot of time on science.
Interestingly, I've noticed that my forgetfulness is disappearing.
Val, you give me hope.
