if I am honest, my husband and I are loosing patience. She can burst in to tears and be in consolable for half an hour + while we try to talk her down (multiple times a day). It's exhausting. I tend towards consoling her and helping her understand the situation and why it doesn't apply to her (though it is exhausting and by the end of the day my patience is pretty spent).
Go honesty, Go noticing Brain spurts! Go getting back to work!
Here's the deal. At this point you see your job as 'talking her down.' That means you are giving out lots of 'relationship' in response to her fears. Your attention is the biggest positive reinforcer in her life, particularly now with you back to wage-work. You are also feeling guilty or uncertain so you are more likely to be giving extra energy as you think: What am I doing to this poor child!
What I would do is learn some deep breathing techniques - breath in for 5 heartbeats and then out for 5 heart beats. No holding breath to handle anxiety.
https://sites.google.com/site/giftedmeditation/ Then I would sit down and come up with a plan of 'how much' energy you are going to give before you model taking care of yourself and say 'I'm starting to feel very bad. I'm going to take a little break and do some breathing. Do you want to join me?'
I wouldn't set out to teach her, but let her watch and learn, or answer any questions she generates. Mostly parents what to teach the child meditation so the child and then say 'now go do this and stop feeling anxious.' It's fine to expect the child to handle their own feelings, but not fine to tell them which tool to use. You goal is to encourage her to be in charge of handling her own strong feeling, knowing that you believe she can do it.
For me the plan would involve setting a timer for a few minutes and saying, 'I believe that sometimes thinking isn't the best way to solve feelings, so I'll try and help for 5 minutes, then when the timer goes off we can go do something else, got it?' Something else could be bake cookies, jump on the trampoline, or deep breaths. If you find her in a good mood, you can get her help to brainstorm what the something else might be, and how long the timer should be set for. It will take practice, but what a lucky mom you are to be able to teach this life skill.
When she isn't melting down, I would be sure to notice what she is doing and perhaps point out that she is a strong person because she is handling strong feeling all on her own, and say so, about once every 5 minutes. Read 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook' by Howard Glasser and Lisa Bravo for more on the very important part of building relationship by putting attention on strengths and neutrals rather than on drama. This didn't come naturally to me! I've been a 'glass 4mls empty' sort of girl for a long time - cheerful but very interested in drama.
If you don't see improvement you can also go the 'professional help' route.
Love and More love,
Grinity
