It's been a few months since I wrote about my now 18 month old's preschool issues (18 month old in a 2-3 year old classroom), but things were looking up so I felt much better. Recently, I went to observe again.
What I saw was not my child! The child I saw did a lot of wandering around the room, did not play, and did not talk. I observed for 2.5 hours and for the first 2 hours she did not play with anything! She just wandered. I'm not sure why she wouldn't play. They have adequate toys and she never has a hard time playing at home. She plays very well, both independently, with us, and with some older kids that she knows well.
She listened to all direct instruction from the teacher, but when asked questions, she wouldn't answer. The teacher asked her what she was holding...nothing. But just 10 minutes before we were in the car and this is what I heard for 20 minutes: "Maddie has uncle's golf ball. It's really dirty, so yucky. Maddie clean it up. Uncle has lots and lots of golf balls..." an so on. At home she also ask questions ALL DAY LONG. "Why? Why? Why? What's that? Why? Where did ___go? Why?" But now at school, she wouldn't answer and she's not seeking information.
On the playground, she was the only one that was alone. I could chalk that up to her age, though so I'm not too worried. She did chatter on and on to the climbing alligator though, as if he were her friend.
I spoke briefly with the teachers and they said she tends to talk more on the potty, when its just her and an adult.
She also still cries intensely at drop off every single day and takes a while to recover.
So...last month, even without this story, my pediatrician after hearing 2 seconds of her development said "while its too early to tell, I think we are looking at OCD and SPD". Now..OCD, I'll take...my husband has OCD, but is very functional for lack of a better word (Read: my house is very clean ;-)), but I'm not certain where he would come up with SPD. He said the crying so much at school could be an indication. I'm not certain I see anything that would indicate SPD, but I'm no pro.
My husband is an introvert and he clearly remembers preschool (at 3) being the exact same way for him. He would never participate and it took him months to stop crying all day long at school. That said he thinks its nothing we need to intervene with since it could just be that she doesn't want to talk because she feels shy, etc.
I come from a behavioral background, though and am also back in school studying behavior. Could she have been conditioned to not talk there? When she arrived at the school, she was a fluent signer and no one there signed, so as much as she needed anything, it was ignored. Could she have been conditioned to not play? In her first months in the 1 year old room, they did not have many toys and there was no support of playing.
Ok, so I guess where I'm at is: Do we just accept that this is who she is and not make any changes? Is it ok for her to go 2 days potentially not talking? I just want her to be happy. Is she miserable there?? Is she ok there, just pensive? When she comes home from school she always has stories about the teachers and some of the kids and seems happy. If I ask her if she wants to go to school, she always says "no, stay home with mommy" but I think that's typical and should I make a decision based on that?
I'm not sure what other options I have right now(longish story but I split a full-time daycare position with another family and feel obligated to make this work), so how could I help her in this environment? I know the teachers know she is different, but what could I tell them about her that might help them help her?
Thanks for listening...I just don't know where else to go.
