I have a conference with the director tomorrow.
Oh goodie!
Is there an older mixed age group that she can try joining for part or all of the day?
Can she do the school half-day? (If that works for your family)
Do they know that DD is telling you she hates lessons and never gets them? Do they know that DD barely talks about school?
My DS felt that he was 'too stupid' to find the hidden trick in questions that were 'too easy' for him. He'd work really hard and then give up in exhasperation. At that age he just couldn't believe that the adults would give him work that required Zero effort. I didn't really get that he could be so far beyond his classmates at that point.
Perfectionism can be a result of many things. I see it more as a
symptom of spending too many hours in a situation where 'too little' is expected of a child than as a primary problem, although it can become one.
Most kids know perfectly well is expected of kids at their age, and what the other kids in their 'catagory' are doing. It's a lot easier to entice a child to do harder work by surrounding her with kids who are doing the same than it is to ask the teacher to 'push' although sometimes a push is needed. If the teacher doesn't believe that it is right to push your particular child, then you won't get far. In the US it's assumed that all children advance equally if the school is doing their job well, so if you DD is a tiny bit above average, it will seem wrong to many teachers to 'push' her to do harder material.
It is wearing to keep pushing to the point of tantrum, but once the perfectionistic behavior is in place, it will take plenty of tantrums before a child is ready to take academic risks again.
Amazing to think that a 4 year old can already be 'socialized out of showing what she knows' but that just shows a high EQ, which is a great asset, once she gets past the perfectionism.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
