Hi Vmere -
Welcome! Maybe your daughter is gifted, maybe not, perhaps an IQ test would tell, perhaps not, but parenting any child can be a challenge, and if we can help you met that challenge - that would be wonderful indeed. It is also sad to me that your daughter 'tolerates' preschool. The adults involved do everything but stand on their heads to make preschool fun for children. But as each child is unique, what is fun for one child might be very hard on the next.
As for responses to the word 'gifted' - yup, that's what I've found as well. Once a girlfriend said: 'Thank goodness you know, and are trying to do something to help him, I've been up 6 nights in a row trying to break the news to you.'
But usually it doesn't go that well.
I think part of the trouble is that everyone has their own mental definition of 'gifted.' So yes, I try to use different,more specific words, or ask a person questions that reveal their inner definition that they might not even be aware of.
One of the nice things about getting a 'psychoeducational evaluation' (fancy words of IQ and achievement test) is that then you can use the 'g-word' without doubting yourself. Other people will always give helpful suggestions, based on their own life experience, IQ score or no IQ score. Does your sister know of any psychologists in your area who are particularly skilled at testing gifted kids?
As for time outs being a joke - I hope that isn't a hallmark of gifted kids ((wink))
I do think it's true that particular personalities plus giftedness call for their own particular parenting styles. My favorite book is 'Transforming the Difficult Child, 2008 edition' by Howard Glasser.
More important is to take a fresh look at which of your behaviors are reinforcing to your child and which of your behaviors cause behavior to decrease in frequency. Since gifted children make up a small percentage of the population, the general population has very little experience with which Adult behaviors are reinforcing and which Adult responses decrease frequency of a child's behavior. The classic overlooked gifted kid reinforcer is access to teaching and educational materials.
As my DS put it many years ago: 'How could you threaten to take away my book? My friends parents give him money to read?!?!'
Love and More Love,
Grinity
