Thanks for the reference to Nurtured Heart, Grinity. I will definitely investigate it for DS9. I like that it is directed towards intense kids who are possibly ADHD. DS9 was "diagnosed" by the school as having ADHD this fall. I say diagnosed in quotes because they only asked his teachers to rank various behaviors, such as fidgeting, lack of focus, inattention to detail, and ability to organize this schoolwork. So much of this may be due to over-excitibilities, lack of challenging education, and possibly sensory processing issues. I'm not convinced of the ADHD label. However these gifted kids can easily compensate (or mask) things that they are struggling with. This probably applies to both learning difficulties and emotional stresses in their lives.
Breakaway, I know that parenting these intense kids is difficult. Maybe the word difficult is too mild a word?
I would unequivocally say that parenting is the hardest thing that I have ever done in life. It is certainly harder than the various college degrees that I have received. There is a hugh amount of stress when dealing with their behaviors, their school needs, their social skills, etc. It is enough to wear down even the most resilient of parents. Just hang in there.
I'm not far enough along on the parenting pathway to see the return of my investment yet, as you are with your older kids. I do know that it seems to take immensely more energy to parent the second wave of kids than it does to become a parent when you are younger and more energetic. I know that I had more energy to deal with DS9 when he was small than I do with DD(baby). There must be a reason why biology puts a limit on the female reproduction (and not male reproduction?).
As helpful as my DH is, I still bear the brunt of the 24/7 parenting duties.
You are carrying both parenting roles for your kids for the vast majority of the time. This must be exhausting! But maybe it as also a blessing, no? Maybe you can think of it as this: You are your kids' main parent. Your parenting style is what matters the most. Don't waste your precious energy on what you can't change.
Hugs and good luck with the counseling. Just remember: There are many of us going through similar things. It is nice to be able to find recommendations and advice from other parents here. (thanks again, Grinity!)
