Hi Breakaway. I understand at least some of what you are going through. My DS9 has had a rotten year at school this year and was (hopefully most of it is behind us?) becoming a real handful at home. We have been seeing a psychologist who understands gifted kids for about 2 years now, ever since a mid-year grade skip. I can let you know what we have discussed with her, and hopefully some of it my help you.
According to our psychologist, we were locked in a power struggle with DS9. I have always said that he was best described as a 16 year old mind stuck in a 9 year old body. Well, I think we were (are) going through a bit of the teenage years that go with his mental age. He was feeling like he was in an unhappy, stressful state (due to school) and was completely powerless to change it. He needed a pressure valve to release some of that stress, and chose the safest environment to show his anger and frustration... which was to be rude, defiant, and generally a pain in the derriere at home. He knew that we would love him no matter what, and could push every boundary and every limit at home. And the harder we clamped down on him at home, the worse the behavior became. We took away all electronic games and tv for weeks on end, and the behavior continued. For us, DS needed to have unconditional love from us to realize that we were there for him and would help him with whatever stress he was dealing with. Suddenly he didn't feel so powerless then.
This may not help you at all, since you say that your kids are fine at home. But you might look to see if there is some form of stress when they are out and about? Social situations that they don't know how to handle? Or sensory overload from loud, noisy environments? Or do they know that they can push your buttons by acting out in public? People in power struggles are satisfied if they can get a reaction out of another person. So rudeness, defiance, and willfulness can sometime be a cry for help from a person that feels completely powerless.
I'm not sure that was at all coherent. We are struggling with school issues and a new addition to our family. Somehow sleep and brain cells have become endangered species.
