Wow - you completely described my 5 year old daughter. She is a young kindergartner(summer birthday). She would have emotional melt downs constantly as a preschooler. She has not been tested, but her 9 year old brother is HG+ based on some very basic testing and he easily works 3-6 years beyond grade level in everything with the exception of hand writing.
Anyway, life is so much easier for her homeschooling. I thought maybe she would not like it or be willing to co-operate. But 3 things have become clear since she started homeschooling this fall. 1 - she is GT, and probably more than a little. 2 - she is thriving academically on about 30 minutes of mandatory school work a day. She chooses to do more on her own. The past couple days she spent hours dissecting a disk drive. She writes poems and gives them to me, etc. 3 - she is much less sensitive in social situations. We discovered she is a little shy initially, but actually probably an extrovert (or a balance). She loves older or GT kids.
I've found for both my kids, I've had to find activities where they make plenty of mistakes and need to work through that. Music lessons have been great for both of them. I can't tell you how many break downs we had the first 6 months of violin lessons with DD. But her willingness to try new things and be ok with failure or difficulty has already come a long way in a years time.
Testing your daughter should really help you make good decisions for her! Good luck!
Edited to say - I just saw that you had already tried music lessons, but anything open ended can work well for fighting perfectionism. Unicycle lessons for my son were great too! Martial arts, drawing classes, dance, etc.
Last edited by kimck; 12/15/09 08:03 PM.
