Thanks Grinity, you are right! We had a very educational and thoughtful conversation this morning. He opened up with all his thoughts, feelings, and expectations. I learned his views and struggles with school. Homeschooling
is the best option for him.
Talking to him today was like talking to a small adult. He amazes me some times. It's not all the time, but I think he needs more opportunities to express himself in this fashion. I need to pay more attention and give him those opportunities.
I asked if likes to play with children his age, older, or younger. His reply was, "I like to play with younger children, they respect me and they don't ignore me. Even older children some times ignore me when I talk to them."
I received a phone call on Friday from his teacher. Unfortunately, I was in the middle of doing a video interview and couldn't pick up the phone. I called the teacher back when I was done, but I had missed her. The message she left was, "DS had a great day at school today." He had DS with her when she made the call.
That evening I asked DS why was today so great, what happened to make it such a great day? He couldn't figure it out. He had lost recess because he didn't finish one of his centers. I wish the school would let me know what they are trying to do, before they do it. Was it a motivational tool, was it because they know I want to home school?? I have a suspicious mind.
To be honest, I've only ever once found a school counselor who did 'understand' and she was instrumental in getting my son his gradeskip.
I think in this case that 'his parents' are the right person that he needs to communicate his feelings too. It is so hard to really 'take in' what it must feel like to spend 6 hours a day 'being good' while the other kids are learning to work hard, with people you don't respect, who don't see or like you. I'm not saying that he isn't able to 'put this aside' from time to time, but it never goes away until the child gets into a learning situation where they are busy learning to learn.
My son used to bristle at the other children 'ignoring him.' I think it was a combination of them not really wanting to match him in his level of intensity of interest, and them not being able to. For weeks he complained about a little girl in daycare who 'wouldn't' talk to him. They were 3. I asked about it, and the teachers explained that she was shy and didn't talk at all except at home to her parents. I think that when keen observation is coupled with lack of experience, misunderstandings are bound to occur.
As for you son being less mature than others his age, I beg you to consider that he has lots more to handle than others his age. If a 7 year old was suddenly asked to care for younger sibs, cook dinner, and keep the house clean,(and I know that some of you did this) it would be visible and understandable if they didn't measure up to the expected standard. Maybe dinner would be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every night. I really think that a highly sensitive gifted child in a poor fit classroom, who feels unliked and unseen on a daily basis, and isn't learning, faces a similarly adult-sized task of keepinging their emotions 'on hold' during the school day.
I will say that in some ways, classrooms designed for older kids are less stressful for the highly gifted child than age designed classrooms, in that people expect middle school aged children to have opinions and preferences. People also expect a certian level of crankiness due to 'puberty' - personally, I've observed that the expectations have gotten easier as the years go by. 'Blind obedience' isn't nearly as large on the teaching agenda as one gets older.
((hugs))
Grinity
