DS8: has always been mellow, self-contained, not challenging UNLESS something set him off. This happened about once a week, usually because he 1) was hungry, 2) was overtired or 3) got hurt and wasn't expecting it. (He's "tough" if he knows pain is coming, but surprise pain leaves him screaming like he's lost an arm!) Feeding him every 3-4 hours and making sure he slept made him a pretty docile, easygoing guy to live with, even as a preschooler.
DS6: has always been talkative and extroverted; was (and still is) marvelously sunny and cheerful UNLESS he upset by something. He is a perfectionist, and he has a tendency to scream and cry before telling me what's wrong, which is MADDENING! It is getting better, partly because he's maturing and partly because I found a way to help him put his upsets into perspective:
When DS5 was 4, he was upset every single day by putting on his shoes. Inevitably a sock was bunched or something felt funny. Screaming and crying every day, just as we were trying to get out the door.
At the end of my rope one day, I asked him 1) how upset he was, and 2) how big the problem was, both on a scale from 1-10. For his feelings, a 1 was happy and 10 was utter "die any second of a broken heart" misery. For the problem, a 1 was "no big deal" and a 10 was "will destroy the earth and all life on it."
He came to realize that his emotions were usually at an 11 (his words!) and the problems were usually a 2. He was able to see the disconnect, to get some perspective. That helped SO MUCH!
I think even just asking him to analyze the situation helped to slow down the meltdowns, since just asking him "on a scale from 1-10, how serious is this problem?" threw him out of feeling mode and into thinking mode.
A preschooler would have to have a certain level of facility with abstract thought to get this. But it changed our lives! He's so much better about it now.
I don't know if that helps, but at least it gives you something else to think about.
