Any mellow self contained gifted preschoolers? If so, wow, that must be wonderful :-) My DD is happy and outgoing, but very very intense, chatty beyond belief and always on HIGH. She is also very dramatic. Maybe all three year olds are, but the ones we know seem mellow in comparison!

My DS6 is very intense, very dramatic, very emotional and not hyper at all.

Hi,

I would say DS2.6 is draining to be around. He is not unhappy but is always mentally active. He is not over-emotional for his age, and not hyperactive physically. He is also able to self-entertain for long periods now, but not at all before 18 months old (was a awful lot of work as a baby). He is very busy in a fine motor way and talks non-stop. In public he is less openly talkative and also his speech is still a bit unclear, so we are in a grace period there. Car seats, strollers, grocery cart seats, staying on a blanket at the park, all have always been deeply uncomfortable for him. He feels easily constrained.

I have a profoundly gifted brother who was a very easy baby (the kind that does sit on a blanket at the park playing with a little pile of toys and smiling beatifically, for hours on end) and he never changed. He went from that to calmly self-entertaining by building large block structures, reading, etc, and then to easy-going humor-filled and happy adult. Just a very placid person. So it is possible but comes with its own set of challenges (getting them to do anything).

Polly

DS8: has always been mellow, self-contained, not challenging UNLESS something set him off. This happened about once a week, usually because he 1) was hungry, 2) was overtired or 3) got hurt and wasn't expecting it. (He's "tough" if he knows pain is coming, but surprise pain leaves him screaming like he's lost an arm!) Feeding him every 3-4 hours and making sure he slept made him a pretty docile, easygoing guy to live with, even as a preschooler.

DS6: has always been talkative and extroverted; was (and still is) marvelously sunny and cheerful UNLESS he upset by something. He is a perfectionist, and he has a tendency to scream and cry before telling me what's wrong, which is MADDENING! It is getting better, partly because he's maturing and partly because I found a way to help him put his upsets into perspective:

When DS5 was 4, he was upset every single day by putting on his shoes. Inevitably a sock was bunched or something felt funny. Screaming and crying every day, just as we were trying to get out the door.

At the end of my rope one day, I asked him 1) how upset he was, and 2) how big the problem was, both on a scale from 1-10. For his feelings, a 1 was happy and 10 was utter "die any second of a broken heart" misery. For the problem, a 1 was "no big deal" and a 10 was "will destroy the earth and all life on it."

He came to realize that his emotions were usually at an 11 (his words!) and the problems were usually a 2. He was able to see the disconnect, to get some perspective. That helped SO MUCH!

I think even just asking him to analyze the situation helped to slow down the meltdowns, since just asking him "on a scale from 1-10, how serious is this problem?" threw him out of feeling mode and into thinking mode.

A preschooler would have to have a certain level of facility with abstract thought to get this. But it changed our lives! He's so much better about it now.

I don't know if that helps, but at least it gives you something else to think about.

Heh. That sounds like me. I have to tell my friends when I'm freaking out, and even then, they don't believe me. It was a big problem for me in school--and probably the reason my older sister was always recognized as "the smart one" who got special accommodations in school.

DD is calm, for a three year old. She's not running around like a crazy person, most of the time. I would definitely not call her hyper. But yes, she is very intense, and very emotional, and very demanding. I am actually glad that she doesn't have my personality. I didn't learn to stand up for myself at all until I was several years into adulthood--and boy, it's a skill she's already adept at.

Very, very, and very!!!

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give my kids an 11 Not so much on the hyper side though, but very high energy levels combined with a equally active minds can sometimes give the impression of hyperactivity. Example - We were observing an impressive sunset the other day. DS3.8 talked/asked questions the entire time, went from room to room, out in the yard, got his telescope, book on weather etc trying to find a better vantage point. DD23mths on the other hand only watched intensely, eyebrows furrowed and all, and listened. The next morning, DD was standing looking out the window again. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I can see white sunbeams on the ceiling but the crystal [hanging in the window] makes rainbow sunbeams. Why does sunlight change colors?". She then sat for the next half hour seeing if she could reflect both the 'rainbows' and the 'white sunbeams' with her little mirror. Despite being quite verbal, DD is mostly busy (quietly) contemplating her own thoughts whereas DS involves everyone and everything in his ideas... I guess personality has much to do with how apparent (read challenging) the traits are, although in our case, the workload remains the same!

LOL!

If it helps, Lauren, that's a slippery slope logical fallacy he's using: take one step and you tumble down the slope until you DIE!

Since he seems to use it a LOT, I'm thinking that it might be good to give it a name when you call him on it, just to make it easier to call him on it in the future.

Oh my....my 2.8 year old DD is always turned on HIGH! it's like her dial was turned all the way to max and got stuck there....
Everything is dramatic, the end of the world. She never stops moving never stops talking, never stops asking questios, just never stops going....she even talks in her sleep.
She has to involve everyone around her in everythought she has, which leads to worn out parents LOL, although the thougts she has can blow us away. She is INTENSE on everything, se seems to feel more, do more, enjoy more, everything more.

She definitly is more everything then other kids her age.

Having just read Seligman's The Optimistic Child [verdict: interesting, but not a must-read] I suggest calling it "catastrophising" since that's apparently what it's called when you put the worst possible interpretation on any minor set-back, assuming it will lead to catastrophe.

Intense - mellowing with age
emotional - hiding it more with age but still very
hyper - very very and why can't this be the one mellowing with age??????? Agh!

This is how I felt with DS6. It doesn't end. I still have moments where I'd like an OFF button. BUT, it does get easier as he becomes more self-sufficient and doesn't depend on me for 24/7 entertainment.

Now if I could just mute my Chatty Cathy (DD4). Wow, I feel sorry for my parents now!!! LOL

'Dialled up' is exactly the term we have been using for our daughter since a few months after she was born. She's not hyperactive, but very intense.

She grilled me for about an hour a few months back about about how our bodies knew how to grow. We ended up making a DNA helix out of pipe cleaners (chenille sticks) including different coloured cleaners for the base pairs. She is wonderful, but can be be very exhausting.

I realize the terms to describe them are necessary. But I really try to refrain from saying intense, emotional, dramatic, but unfortunately those are the exact words needed to explain to the general population.

I wish there were new words to reframe it from their perspective. Their feelings are intense, they feel more deeply, they react, and so in comparing to the normal population, it is more intense/emotional/dramatic.

But from where they are, it is "normal" - a new normal range. In fact, perhaps from where they are standing, we (or the general population) don't feel enough, are less passionate, less intense and not dramatic sufficiently. Heheh

A matter of perspective I suppose.

We really can't tell our children "be less intense, be less dramatic, don't feel this/that" because they can't. It is part of them. I mean, these exact intensities is what makes them really good at lots of other things.

I'm trying to figure out a way to let child be and feel. But how to manage those "intensities"? I don't know. Appreciate suggestions!

When I found the information listed in the post below it gave me a new respect for my child.

"Overexcitabilities in Gifted Children" (Can someone tell me how to post a link?)

I try to talk with my children everyday about their day in a one on one situation. If they feel I understand and they can talk about feelings it can be a whole lot better.

There are books on dealing with emotional needs on gifted.

I hope that helps.

My son has been making trading type cards for 3 years (like pokemon.) He just talks and talks about them even though he knows I don't get it. He still gets very excited. I just listen and admire. He has always liked projects. I think 3 years of this is intense exploration.

Yes, my dd3.5 is this way, high energy yes, but not what'd I'd call hyper. She is, above all else, EMPHATIC in practically everything she does. Ds was somewhat this way (I thought he was the worst this could get!) but dd surpasses in some ways - fortunately since he has outgrown a lot of this, I firmly believe she will too. Right now we are having lessons about being truthful and gentle. And I am working more on my consistency because I have been pretty lax.

DS4 is intense, VERY emotional, and not hyper, but very energetic and BUSY. He wants to be doing something constantly, which was absolutely exhausting before he was old enough to entertain himself (just the last few months). He doesn't like to watch tv, not because he doesn't have the attention span, but because he says it's boring. He stays for afterschool care twice a week, where they often have a movie on, and he will walk away from the movie to build with LEGOs or draw. If we're in the car, he wants to be drawing or reading. If we're getting groceries, he'll follow me down the aisles talking to himself because he's deep in imaginative play--in his head. He wants and needs to be ENGAGED in something at all times.

I think my mother-in-law thought we spent too much time playing with him when he was a toddler, but now she's taking care of him after school two days a week, and she never fails to comment on his amazing energy level when I pick him up.

Incidentally, my grandmother, my mother and I are all the same way--always turned "on" and looking for something engaging and/or useful to do (picture an 84 year old chopping wood!). This has been a huge problem for me in the work world, as I seem to master jobs relatively easily and quickly reach a plateau where I can do my work in my sleep, which is like torture to me. My desire to actually be working/engaged/challenged/developing skills seems to annoy bosses who simply want someone to warm a seat or be there the one day they need them. Sigh. I know my seemingly boundless energy also mystifies and exhausts my husband, who would never turn down an opportunity to take a nap.

Yay! I'm not the only one.

We have the same DD. Our DD 2.9 is the same way. You've described her so well!

Over Thanksgiving, DH, DS 4 mos and I all went to bed at 10 pm while our relatives continued to babysit DD, who stopped napping a year ago. It took 6 adults several shifts to keep up with her throughout the day.

DS 4 mos is so different. Although he's even more physically strong than DD was, and he's quite alert, he is serene and happy all the time.

At 4 months, DD 2.9 was still fussy 24/7 and only willing to be held by me. In fact, I don't think I'd left the house yet. I can't believe how different life can be with an infant who is not so high maintenance. I can actually see having more kids, and I feel more than ever that DD is 3 kids in one.