Thank you all for your input and comments.
Dottie, perhaps DS does lack assertiveness or maybe he wants everyone to like him. I don't know if I understand him entirely, but I do think he's very sensitive. At birth, the nurse who helped deliver him called him an "old soul" which I recall when I've had a conversation with him that seems like I'm talking to a grown up friend rather than my 11 yr old. Great wit, sophisticated insight.
Maybe it's what delbows says--he has integrity (I really never thought of it that way, but it's such an intriguing concept, and I agree it's a rarity these days). He wants everyone to be happy, tries to stop any mean-spiritness at school to other children, worries about them, but is torn about alienating the teasers. No one is mean to him--he's very popular, always picked first for teams, voted representative for the class, etc...but he often will tell me small injustices that happen to other children (teasing or a kid being rebuked for not handing in work) that bother him. My other kids would never report these details, or would never be concerned because they weren't involved. DS11 comes home with homework because he spent class time helping other kids ""who would never have been able to do it." Does this sound healthy to you?
I guess I've been a little worried about the "doormat" Kriston. I don't want to squelch his caring for others, but I don't want him to lose sight of himself in the mix. At home he doesn't have any problem standing up to his younger brothers (dominating) but he definitely can be submissive to DS13.
acs, you ask great questions and I actually asked him about the ride home. He explained that he wanted to save up that favor for when he really needed it, instead of just any old time. He doesn't have anything against the 2 moms who have offered rides and in fact their kids are his favorite friends. The second question about family dynamics is interesting to me because I always joke about how, as a 3 yr old he'd climb on stools, opening cabinets to fix his own sandwich rather than accept my offer to do it. He didn't speak until late-- about 3 yrs old actually--so maybe his independence was from not being able to communicate. (Needless to say, we were pleasantly surprised when he scored very high on IQ test at age 5)
DH says DS is still the same as he was as a baby--his brother would repeatedly push him over and he'd lay on the ground smiling.
