I know some adults who have these traits. An extreme example is a gentleman we invited to Thanksgiving dinner--he brought a cheese ball and apple cider to contribute to the meal and then that was all he ate!! He said he knew we wanted leftovers and he didn't want to diminish the number we had. I have no idea what caused him to be this way and whether he was that way as kid. I certainly don't know what his parents could have done to help him.
But I will just mention what I want to tell my friends who have these tendencies and maybe it is something that you could mention to your child. Our culture does emphasize independence and we often are able to do things by ourselves (like taking the bus instead of accepting a ride), but people enjoy helping other people. The experience of everyday give-and-take connects them to each other and creates a functioning community. People who cannot receive help, but only give it, are unable to fully participate in the interconnection of the world.
As I wrote this I thought of some questions that might be helpful to think about:
Is there some reason he might not want to ride with certain people and by saying no to *all* of them avoids having to take a ride from *some* of them?
Is there something in the family dynamics that makes him want to assert his independence--want to prove he can do it without help?
Does he feel that "nice" things usually come with strings attached? When he accepts a gift does he think he will be asked to do something he doesn't like in return?
Does he feel like he is worthy to receive a gift? Does he worry that he will be unable to reciprocate, even if he wants to?
These at least are some of the questions I wonder about in my adult friends; although i have never had the nerve to actually ask them!!
