Nothing makes me more upset than issues with lunch, recess, and the school bus. I could just cry thinking about it....
Last year my DS had nearly no one to play with at recess, and he rode home alone on the bus. This year he has many lunch / recess buddies, and a friend to share the bus seat and talk with. It makes such a difference! I hope it continues....
I agree about the electronics. Buy your kid the most popular games. Nautigal said they can't take them to school, but in a way they do :-) I watch at school as groups of kids discuss the various levels of the game, the characters, the cheats, the codes, the glitches. They compare scores, advise each other re: defeating various bosses / getting to new levels ... and I've even seen kids act out (role play, I guess) the various games.
The best advice I received from a classroom teacher, several years ago, was to let my DS get involved with Webkinz. I was such a purist about these things, and holding out to the end, but I listened as she said it would give him some common ground with the other kids. She was right. A dozen little animals and loads of online time later, DS was respected as the classroom Webkinz expert, and had made lots of friends because of it.
Though my DS is 99% recovered from ASD after years and years of super intensive remediation, he still has some residual social quirks. We aren't finished. The fact that he is exceptionally gifted hasn't helped either! In planning social get-togethers, playdates or playground trips, I always try to gather together the "kid magnet" toys. For instance, when we bring along an electronic ball that calls out commands to kids wearing different color hand bands, DS draws a crowd of kids about his age. And they build an instant bond, working together as a team.
I second the advice to read Frankel's "Good Friends...." book.
I've read so many building social skills /raising social IQ / rules of friendship types of books the stack goes up to my knees. And that is in addition to the actual therapy type stuff. YMMV, but Frankel's book has some of the best real-world advice I've ever encountered for kids with social difficulties. It is based on a social skills course he developed at UCLA. Not philosophical so much as pragmatic. And for those of us who don't have even one typical kid (even my DD is moderately and artistically gifted) to judge what typical age-appropriate social habits are, Frankel goes age by age detailing typical play and friendship habits, divided as well by gender. I found it enlightening.
BTW, I prefer the use of the word "typical", rather than "normal", for obvious reasons.
It is wrenching to watch your child suffer through these things, but Tiz (and others in the same position), just hang in there. It can and probably will get better for your son. For us, early elementary was the worst. Just took awhile for DS to find his niche.
