the first 2 of these were sort of shocking to us, hope they are not so shocking to others -
1. Don't always encourage ds to be as unique as possible. (he's going to be out there anyway, he doesn't need to be super-duper out-there completely beyond reach... Hard to swallow, but I sort of see the logic. This was in part regarding ds in ballet, ds interest in things like medieval swordplay rather than baseball, and so on.
While I am shocked by the advice because it is just a more sophisticated version of "be normal" which is advice that kids hear a lot. I strongly disagree it. We've seen our child's unusual hobbies have allowed him a great deal of personal satisfaction and ultimately connections with others. People pick up on his happiness and comfort with himself and that's all positive. I would expect especially as kids get older that they learn to take turns in conversation and to choose their audience. I would put a lot more weight behind that than trying to take away something like ballet that may provide a great place for emotional expression.
That isn't to say kids should be told to pick up an unusual hobby for the sake of being unusual and it is fine to offer mainstream activities the child might enjoy.
I would suggest the book "Good Friends Are Hard to Find" by Fred Frankel. He emphasizes the importance of one on one playdates as a means to really make friends. It works better than being in big group activities like soccer.
