We've been through two private schools and looked at many others, and here's what I've learned: they will say anything to get your first check.

If you look through private school promotional materials, you'll notice that most of their statements are variations on a few themes:

Every child is valued at our school. (Other schools are Bronte-esque quasi-dungeons where heat is not allowed in winter and children are beaten twice daily at 10:45 a.m. exactly and as they exit the premises.)

Every child gets individual attention. (Examples: when teacher is taking attendance, each child is called upon individually. Sometimes, when your child raises his hand, the teacher will call on him individually and listen to him as he speaks [as long as he doesn't talk too long or ask too many annoying questions!]).

We offer the best curriculum. (Even though we use the same textbooks that all the other schools use.)

Our program instills a lifelong love of learning. (This is due to our Very Special Methods (VSMs [tm]). Take times tables. We don't just drill, baby, we hit oil. You will see the magic every time your Little Daisy says "Three times five is FIFTEEN!")

You and your child will never want to leave this school. (Forgot how many of those re-enrollment forms don't get returned come March/April. People who don't re-enroll are obviously wrong-headed and their kids never belonged here to begin with).

We cater to gifted kids. (If the check clears, the kid's a genius. If it bounces, he's an idiot).

This last one is an actual quote from a pre-school employee at the XXX School for the Gifted in a moment of uncharacteristic candidness.

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I'm not trying to be flippant here. I'm just trying to help you laugh a little bit through your tears.

I have to say that I'm impressed that such a small group of people managed to use every single boneheaded argument against acceleration and even managed to invent one of their own. I mean, that cart thing is very special. It's right up there with the statement from my DS's kindergarten teacher. When I asked her to help him with his reading, she refused, saying that "silent e can be damaging at this age."

I agree with other people who question the wisdom of sending your daughter back to this school next year. Here are some questions you might want to ask them or yourselves:

* Even if they do let her skip kindergarten, will they be so resentful that they'll find a way to punish you or her?

* How does the first grade teacher feel about acceleration?

* I've read that private school enrollments are down due to the economy. This situation can be advantageous for you. Can you call around to other schools to ask about how they feel about accelerating her, given all your evidence?

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you need to nail down what a school will do for your daughter [b]before you give them that first check. [/b]

For example, don't let them get away with saying "We'll observe her in kindergarten for a few weeks and then see about promoting to grade 1." They might use a seductive argument like "We have to see if she has enough energy to withstand the whole day in school." This argument has always baffled me because schools are happy to keep these same kids in day care until 5 or 6 p.m. If they have enough stamina to hang around until 6, surely they can make it to 3:30, right? Right?

If they want to test her themselves (which they shouldn't for a 1-grade skip, based on what you've got), nail down dates and what will happen if scores are xxx or yyy. Testing should happen BEFORE you give them a check.

Ask in advance: will they let your child do reading or math or whatever ahead of grade level if necessary? Nail down details and try to get policies in writing (even as an e-mail) if you can.

Finally, don't let them substitute marketing material for the actual needs of your child. if they stick to the platitudes when you're interviewing them, be careful. Make sure your platitude detector is functioning before you leave the house!

Val