I agree with Trinity that that gifted magnet might not be worth waiting for (especially if the years you invest waiting are causing your child to shut down). My experience on this board has suggested to me that the schools that believe they have great gifted programs can be the least flexible. They seem to think that if the programs they have in place don't meet a child's needs, then the problem is with the child. By the usual standards, our school district is mediocre at best and no one moves here for the schools, but they have adapted to meet our son's needs without a single complaint and usually without me needing to advocate much. Just because a school or program is supposed to be good doesn't mean that it will be good for your kid.
Is volunteering in the school a possibility for you? One of the things that has helped me, I think, is that I was a regular volunteer in the school. I was happy to do whatever they asked me to do: preparing craft materials, grading spelling tests, escorting sick kids to the nurses office, filing books in the library, weeding the front garden plot. There was nothing beneath me. I made friends with the teachers and staff. So when I had to put on my one-of-those-moms hat, they already knew that I cared about them and all the kids at the school. I think that they were more open and less likely to be defensive because of this. Being in the classroom gave me a good chance to see how DS was behaving and how the teacher reacted to him. I also got a better sense of all the issues that the teacher had to deal with. And DS loved having me there. Ultimately, I felt much better able to advocate for DS because I had first hand experience in the class he was in. I can see lots of reasons why this wouldn't work out in all circumstances, but, still, it was so good for us, I wanted to mention it.
