I agree with the post about reading A Nation Deceived. It is somewhat biased, but it really opened my eyes to my own preconceived notions about acceleration. It also reminded me that childhood is about learning to overcome failure and developing problem-solving skills. Middle school or high school is not the time to face the first academic challenge that you couldn't get right the first time: it's bound to destroy self-esteem. It's one of the reasons that gifted kids have higher rates of depression in high school that the rest of the teen population.
Force your school to evaluate your daughter. We used the Iowa Acceleration Scale for our son. It uses a wide variety of tools (I.Q. tests, academic performance tests, interviews, family info, etc) to give options for acceleration, either within grade or by advancing a grade. It also asks the school for a plan to follow the student after the plan is implemented. For us, it showed us just how far above grade-level our son was in a concrete, non-parent-biased way.
Finally, I know you are in the middle of your own problems, but these kids really need advocates in the legislative process. Drop a line to your state representative and school board to let them know that your child's needs are not being met. Many states have laws requiring schools to have G/T services. Time magazine had a great article about a year and a half ago about how the No Child Left Behind laws have decimated funding for G/T programs, and how bad the impact is. Every child in our country deserves an 'adequate and appropriate' education, including asynchronous learners.
Good luck and trust in yourself to help your child!
