You all were so helpful on helping us determine when to have our son tested....I'd like some honest opinions on a situation we faced today that has really unsettled us.
Our son (4.4) is being tested next week, but we know that he's gifted to at least some extent. He has incredible recall ability, talks more like a 12YO than a 4YO (vocabulary, sentence structure, etc.), creates elaborate games and situations that he expects everyone to play with him (and hence does have some issues playing with other kids his age), reads words when he wants to (though as soon as we got "excited" that he could do it, he decided he "didn't want to read anymore..."), and can do quite a bit addition and subtraction. He's a little adult, for better or worse.
We have him in a Montessori school (he just started his second year), and we did that specifically so that he could move at his own pace. It hasn't gone well...his entire 3YO year was devoted to "practical life" lessons (sweeping, mirror polishing, etc.). Though we repeatedly asked if he could be introduced to more challenging academic work, we were rebuffed that we needed to "trust the methodology, etc." So far this year, he has gotten two new lessons - one on lacing (sewing) cards and one on putting together pages to make a book.
The problem is that he is a discipline problem - he acts out almost every day by getting into another child's work (primarily the older children), violating others' personal space (pushing on them to see what they are doing, etc.), "antagonizing" the animals in the classroom, taking apart classroom materials, etc. To hear them describe it, he is a real menace.
Our experience at home is that if his mind is occupied, he is a dream. If he is bored, he "entertains" himself, and that usually does involve "bad" behavior. At a conference last year, we discussed this observation about our son and asked that he be given more challenges in the classroom and asked that he be introduced to some academic work. That happened for a short period (and his behavior was excellent) and then diminished toward the end of the year (and he fell off the wagon). It is extremely clear to us that he is bored to tears at school, hence why he doesn't want to go and is acting out.
We were called in today (after some particularly bad behavior) and had decided it was time to really advocate for him - last year, we tried to trust the "experts." We were dumbfounded to hear their assessment of him - it was all about behavior, none about ability - and they basically gave him 4 weeks or they'll kick him out. AND, they gave us the name of an "parenting psychologist" that we are essentially required to contact because it is obvious to them that he is "crying out to us to set limits for him." When we asked them to PLEASE try more challenging work, we basically were told that they will "follow the normal course of work for a 4 year old" and that "lessons are planned out far in advance."
Has anyone else had an obviously highly intelligent child who totally can't control himself in a classroom like this? Are we really bad parents? Should we keep trying or should we pull him out and homeschool him this year? If we do that, does it send a message to him that his behavior is okay? We are totally shell-shocked tonight and reeling...any thoughts at all (even unstructured ones!) would be great!
