For my son, I even remember the exact day of turning point, that was Thanksgiving of last year. He went to his debate club's party and met a few of his friends, who were two year senior than him and were home from college. He talked about how his friends took double major and were doing a lot of fun things in college. That same day, he started to put together a study plan for the upcoming final, which was something that never happened before. It was as if a light bulb suddenly turned on from that point on... I might have just reminded him of a few things for that whole spring semester regarding school work. before that, there would be a lot of lies, excuses and arguments, but not any more since then. When i asked or reminded , he would just acknowledge it and sometimes even appreciate my reminders. It seemed he was no longer resisting my help/support. Fast forward, five months in quarantine was surprisingly peaceful and productive and now I no longer need to remind him of anything. He is usually thinking ahead strategically about his debate season or college applications.
On the other hand, I am seeing a similar pattern with my younger son, turning 14 next month, who is not PG, not as intense but just as disorganized and has no motivation as his older brother at same age. As you said aeh, his maturity is probably about 2/3 years younger than his peers. Fortunately he is not as explosive as his brother, so things are a bit easier with him. I am more hopeful than ever before.
Thank you so much for your help as always!
This is wonderful news, purpleviolin!
I do often see students with characteristics of ADHD start to pull it together organizationally later in high school, usually around the beginning of junior year, to all appearances very much as a function of maturity. FWIW, there is fMRI data on frontal lobe development in individuals with ADHD which observes that their brains look more like those of children about 2-3 years younger for much of childhood and adolescence, but on the same trajectory, just slightly delayed. So if you think about how that might play out functionally, entering middle school we expect students to take a big step forward in executive functioning (managing multiple classes, keeping their own agendabooks and calendars). If the frontal lobe is functioning more like that of an elementary school student while in middle school, then of course it's hard to stay on top of organizational and planning demands unsupported. Then we hit high school, and the frontal lobe has developed to the level of a middle schooler, but we place high school-level EF demands. Two years later, the frontal lobe has more-or-less reached high school development, and the student is still in high school, so now there is finally a match between development and expectations. And there you are!
So it could be ADHD or it could just be the wide range of normal development. Either way, I agree that time and maturity can help a great deal.
