Platypus101 I am revisiting this post and saw your last words - "When they're anxious, they really can't hear you."

This is so true. We're back at the "I hate school" situation. The first half of the year at the new school (grade 8) was great but after Christmas two big stressful assignments have derailed him. The stress caused him to both act up and withdraw during class time and to be increasingly angry with me. I think it was a "back against the wall" fear reaction. Get me out of here.

Both were coachable things to overcome but one was months long and only became comfortable at the last moment. The other was a student led evaluation where the teachers called him on his recent behaviour. In front of us. He was surprised and upset.

We left school before spring break with him saying he is not going back.

Well, here we are the day after spring break and trying to figure out where we're going. He's actually sick so we have at least another day.

He has resisted all my/our attempts at discussing the situation (before and during the break). Given his history I am leaning towards virtual school from home. If things are overwhelming let's remove the stress and focus on learning. No one does well with long term stress and it's hurting our relationship.

I read everything I could get my eyes on and discussed with other parents on forums which virtual schools were best etc.

Basically, I can't get this kid to talk to me. I want to discuss; what are the key things that aren't working? can we fix them? what do you need? what would be better? what do you think of virtual school?

It is the beginning of 3rd term here. We could do this fairly seamlessly but we need to make it happen.

Refusal to talk, refusal to go, refusal to discuss going in a different direction - where do we go from here? I've told him that school refusal is going to generate a whole storm of counselors and meetings.

Also, this is a kid who has difficulty making decisions. It would seem obvious that I should just make this happen and we can then just work things out together. The drawback to that is virtual school requires a motivated student.

I'm sure this is just harder for me to figure out because I'm so close to it. Any advice?