I forgot to mention that our counselor also recommended small (like a handful) protein snacks when anxiety was ramping up. I forget why. I am not sure how much that helps, but DS loves the protein snacks so...
FWIW, one of my highly anxious children has her anxiety ramp up when she's hungry - she doesn't always realize the connection, but we kept a journal/diary for awhile where we recorded when she had meltdowns or ramp-ups in anxiety, what had happened or what she was doing when the meltdown started and just before, where she was, etc to look for patterns, and there was a clear pattern of increased inability to deal with stress/anxiety when she hadn't eaten for 3-4 hours. If we give her a small snack with a little bit of protein (granola bars or cheese etc) she is able to calm down and then able to deal with whatever is stressing her.
polarbear
re not seeing a counselor - each of my children deals with some type of anxiety, some have been to see a counselor and it helped in some cases, didn't help in others. None of them really ever want to see a counselor, and the older they get the more difficult it is to get them to agree seeing a counselor would be worthwhile.
My 2e kids have anxious personalities in that they *react* to stress with anxiety - for each of them, it's been key to get the 2nd e diagnosed and remediated/accommodated - doing that eliminated essentially all of my ds' anxiety, and it only ramps up now when his 2e challenge gets in his way. He has seen counselors at a few points in the past to help him learn how to "muddle through" (his neuropsych's phrase for dealing with situations where he's bound to have to face his 2nd e) and also for help with anxiety in social situations. The "muddle through" counseling didn't work out all that well but I suspect it was due to a combination of his age (he was around 8) and the fit with the counselor. Later counseling for social anxiety worked well - it wasn't extended in terms of time (i.e. didn't last more than a few months each time), and he was older, and more able to readily see the goals and benefit. He didn't necessarily want to do it or like it, but he did see on some level that it would help him. And now that I'm writing about it, I remember that our ds actually saw a counselor briefly a 4th time, when he was only 6, before he was diagnosed with his 2nd e. That counseling didn't seem to help, and mostly just created a period of time in which we weren't looking for direct answers that would have been much more helpful (his diagnosis).
We've had less success with my 2e dd, but her 2e challenge is less straightforward, and she has co-existing anxiety from previous trauma, so her situation is a bit more complicated. It definitely *has* helped decrease her anxiety, however, to identify and address her 2nd e.
My other dd is also an anxious personality - her anxiety isn't related at all to an LD or other challenge, instead I suspect it's related to past trauma. I've offered to let her see a counselor to talk through her anxieties, which seem to be over-the-top (she worries about almost everything), but she doesn't want to talk to a "stranger" about "personal things". She's also shy around adults and doesn't open up easily (she's the total opposite with peers). So it's a bit of a catch-22 in that her worries prevent her from the opportunity of talking through her worries with someone who might be able to help her deal with them.
So that probably all sounds a bit doom-and-gloomy, but it's not. First thing - if there's any possible suspicion of issues at school or an LD or attempting to compensate etc that might lead to secondary anxiety, getting a thorough evaluation and identifying the cause of the anxiety will be extremely helpful.
Second thing - we've found books, as aeh suggested, really helpful for our kids. We can work through the books together or for my older kids I can give them the books and just check in with them from time to time. Sometimes we pick and choose specific chapters or sections if something specific to that would help with an immediate problem. I'm not at home at the moment, so I don't have the names of the books we've used with me, but I can try to find the names for you this weekend if you're interested.
Re your original question -
Are you enabling them if you accommodate by keeping them at home for Distributed Learning or unschooling?
I think this is a question that is completely dependent on the child and their situation - what is the root cause of their anxiety. I agree with the poster above who mentioned, if you don't deal with anxiety, your child isn't going to be benefiting fully from their schooling, but also would add, it may be an issue that's impacting schooling that is creating the anxiety. Maybe pulling out of school for a little while is best, maybe *not* pulling out is best - it really depends on what is going on with any one child.
