NornernBen. Hugs. I've been there. Once you can't go in and ask for things, it gets hard. Many time these anxious kids or ones with ASP really aren't read to do this by themselves. I have a friend who's D was diagnosed with these issues half way into college and it was very frustrating for mom, because her hands were tied.
I also get a huge resistance for using the extra time he gets. My son could really use the extra time in Physics this year. Teacher would be more than willing to give it to him, but my son would have to ask for it. (Either before the class or even right after..) But my son has this pride and still won't do it.
My son looks, does the math and sees if it will change his grade. If it will, he asks for more time, if it won't, sometimes he just takes the grade. Sometimes all those 100s can take a lower grade, sometimes something is counting too much, sometimes he needs just to be able to turn what he has in and not get a zero. But he has a prepared line he uses, "due to my disability I have had a hard time finishing this assignment, I am using my 504 plan extended time. I feel like I should be able to have it done by x. I will stop in during tutoring time during lunch for additional help if needed." Most of the time he just needs the gift of time and doesn't actually need help with the work sometimes he does.
A few teachers have decided to just grade what he has finished and given him full credit (effectively just shortening the assignment). Luckily his work is high quality and the teachers have always seen that an extra day gives him the ability to maintain that high quality. Some teachers have been hesitant to give him the extra time. My husband just gives them a call or email explaining that they don't have to like it but that they are obligated to abide by his 504 and that he doesn't want to use it, so if he is using it, that he really really needs the extra time. It is hard to tell he has a disability at first glance but by the end of the year, you know.
