DS has an IEP for anxiety. His teachers have been more responsive this semester now that he has the IEP. When I get in touch with most of them, things happen, like extensions.

DS will soon turn 18, and there are corresponding changes to our participation in his IEP. What have your experiences been with this change in control? Is there anything I should do NOW, before the birthday?

A few thoughts off of the top of my head -

1) I would ensure your son knows that you are on his side, and encourage him to come to you with ALL information (including meeting notices, which you may no longer be informed of, by the school).

2) Make sure your son has access to the information at wrightslaw, especially links which may be pertinent to his IEP.

3) Equip your son with coaching and information on self-advocacy.

4) Acquaint him with FERPA, and the transfer of rights from parents to students (who have reached the age of majority OR are minors attending college).

5) There are consent forms which a student may sign, allowing parents to continue to receive educational information about the student's records. Your son may wish to obtain and sign such a form and file it with the school (after making copies so that parents and student have signed copies of the consent forms readily available to allow parent(s) to attend meetings, etc, which your student may wish to have you present at).

Useful quick reference on age of majority & transfer of parental rights:

http://www.pacer.org/transition/resource-library/publications/NPC-19.pdf

Note that there should have been documentation before his 17th birthday of discussion in the IEP team regarding age of majority. In many states, schools are required not only to document the one-year notification, but also to have students sign an affirmative age of majority/parental rights document, selecting sole or shared decision-making (or ceding all rights to the parent).

Regardless of age of majority decisions, the student (unless declared legally incompetent, or under conservatorship) always has the right to invite anyone s/he wants to IEP meetings, and to share documents with any person of his/her choice. The issue of transfer of parental rights is most important in those cases where the student does not have a good relationship with the parents, or is an unreliable communicator.

NorthernBen,

Will there be many meeting between now and the end of the school year?

My son also turns 18 soon, and I suppose this would be relevant to his 504. But given that he will only have 3 more months of school after he turns 18 & we have already worked things out with his current teachers I doubt we will have any more meetings.

At his yearly meeting they did talk with my son about the fact that they can give him documentation to take to the disability office at whatever school he lands at. That this is very normal but that he is the one who is going to have to take care of this. Mom won't be interfering.

My DD who had an IEP though from 2nd-12th grade. First wasn't 18 until a few weeks after starting college. She was young for her grade and I after making them test her that one last time (updated documentation to give to colleges) I finally agreed to take her off her IEP because she wasn't really taking advantage of it winter of her senior year.

There probably won't be any meetings before he graduates. He only received the IEP in May, and we have had only one meeting since then. I need to check that I can still have parent-teacher conferences with all his teachers, including the supported study hall, with or without him. These conferences would be outside the bounds of the IEP, just normal conferences, so I don't know why not.

I did resubmit the request for extended time on the AP exams. It was turned down initially, but I understand that in 2017 the CB is making accommodations more available to more students, so our SpEd director said to remind him in January to resubmit. And so I did. I asked DS to find out how to get the extended time on the mid-year exams which are this coming week, but he was out sick half of last week, so he didn't.

The transfer of rights from parent to child is related to FERPA, and applies to all students; It is separate from special ed, IEP/504, etc. It is my understanding that you could be involved only if your child signs the consent form... Otherwise it may be considered a violation of your child's privacy. It would be in your best interest to carry a copy of that signed consent form with you, and for your child to also have a copy of the signed form in his possession.

Students can often send such requests by e-mail; This also provides documentation and proof that the inquiry was made, and was (or was not) answered on a timely basis. He could e-mail his inquiry NOW. If he wants/needs assistance with wording, possibly you could help him compose a draft of the e-mail.

Alas, part of the anxiety manifestation is difficulty in doing this very thing. He's much better than before, but still struggles with it.

NornernBen. Hugs. I've been there. Once you can't go in and ask for things, it gets hard. Many time these anxious kids or ones with ASP really aren't read to do this by themselves. I have a friend who's D was diagnosed with these issues half way into college and it was very frustrating for mom, because her hands were tied.

I also get a huge resistance for using the extra time he gets. My son could really use the extra time in Physics this year. Teacher would be more than willing to give it to him, but my son would have to ask for it. (Either before the class or even right after..) But my son has this pride and still won't do it.

Reading this brought a lump to my throat. Is it possible to help change his thinking... for example:
- If he paid cash for a burger and was not given his change, would he ask for the change?
This simple self-advocacy invokes known and agreed-upon rules.
- If he had an ad for a sale price on some technology (or a coupon which adjusted the price), but was charged the full price, would he ask for the sale/coupon price?
This self-advocacy points to a previous written offer/agreement.
- If he received one of his school papers back with the grade marked as 97/100 points... but saw the grade recorded in the online grade book as 79/100 points (transposed digits), would he show his documentation (the grade hand-written on his paper) and inquire as to having the online grade changed to match what was previously put in writing?
This self-advocacy points to previous documentation.

Asking for extra time on the test similarly points to a previous written agreement.

If he feels sensitive or uncomfortable with self-advocacy, might standing up for another person be more within his comfort range?

The idea would be to find some act of advocacy within his comfort zone, and expand on that, with your support, coaching, and guidance, until self-advocacy comes more easily and automatically... and feels matter-of-fact, not emotional.

Throughout life, there are many circumstances in which a person may need to politely, collaboratively remind others of facts, documentation, policies/procedures/protocols, previous agreements, even laws. This may be thought of in a very positive manner as maturity and "finding one's voice", a necessary part of teamwork, truth-seeking, trust-building, and ethics... taking responsibility for one's self and one's role in life rather than feeling victimized (which may greatly increase anxiety).

Wishing you all the best with encouraging the development of self-advocacy. A series of small "wins" may help build confidence, in someone who may be somewhat inhibited or reticent.

My son looks, does the math and sees if it will change his grade. If it will, he asks for more time, if it won't, sometimes he just takes the grade. Sometimes all those 100s can take a lower grade, sometimes something is counting too much, sometimes he needs just to be able to turn what he has in and not get a zero. But he has a prepared line he uses, "due to my disability I have had a hard time finishing this assignment, I am using my 504 plan extended time. I feel like I should be able to have it done by x. I will stop in during tutoring time during lunch for additional help if needed." Most of the time he just needs the gift of time and doesn't actually need help with the work sometimes he does.

A few teachers have decided to just grade what he has finished and given him full credit (effectively just shortening the assignment). Luckily his work is high quality and the teachers have always seen that an extra day gives him the ability to maintain that high quality. Some teachers have been hesitant to give him the extra time. My husband just gives them a call or email explaining that they don't have to like it but that they are obligated to abide by his 504 and that he doesn't want to use it, so if he is using it, that he really really needs the extra time. It is hard to tell he has a disability at first glance but by the end of the year, you know.

Our ds has also been reluctant to ask for extra time on assignments, and I understand the frustration. Pride was part of what plays into that resistance for our ds, but there were other factors too. Our ds has an expressive language challenge, and that made it difficult for him to formulate and communicate the ask. While there are many strategies to help students learn how to ask and practice asking, our experience with accommodations in high school has been that few teachers want the parents involved in any way long before students reach the age of 18, and that was a bit of a wall to get past in helping our ds learn how to advocate for himself initially.

The other factor is something that I think is a bit difficult to understand when you aren't dealing with it personally... but when a student gets into high school and is taking high level courses, the demands on that student's time can be huge. Some classes come with large amounts of homework... by the time you're a junior you're also looking at taking SAT/ACT, possibly in AP classes etc, all at the same time you're also in high school wanting to have a bit of a social life. Quite often kids with accommodations, even when they have those accommodations in place, are spending 2-3 times as much outside-of-school time on routine homework as nt kids. Add to that the "how" of arranging extended time on tests - these have to be done at school, most often during lunch, sometimes after school. Our ds didn't want to miss lunch to take a test if he didn't have to - he needs to eat, and he needs his lunch period to just be with friends and have a mental break between classes. After school can be difficult if you're on a sports team or have other extracurricular activities that you'd have to miss. My completely nt dd who's now in high school has one teacher who lets any kid who needs it have extended time on tests - during lunch hour. My dd takes the extended time because she's hyper-driven and can't bear the thought of not getting the best grade possible. And she *hates* it because she misses lunch. She can eat during the test, but it's not having that break in the middle of the day that wipes her out. So while I was early on encouraging my ds to use all of his accommodations all of the time, I now am much more understanding of his decisions to sometimes *not* use them. Even with homework, when he uses his accommodations he can end up in a situation where his total amount of homework grows too much, and he needs to just do what he can and get assignments turned in and move on. Hope that makes sense.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Our school has gone to an hour lunch. 1/2 hour to eat, half hour for tutoring, or finishing up assignments, or extended time on tests...wednesdays many clubs meet during that half hour (but that only works if you are only in one club).

Benefit is that teachers now have a daily 1/2 hour office hours kids can go to. Seniors and juniors who eat off campus have no excuse to be late (they can text order in, eat, and return in an hour). Making up from an absence is so much easier.

If you have nothing during that second 1/2 hour the kids play in the courtyard (soccer, volleyball, etc). Teens need to move around too!

Agreed! This may apply for all types of advocacy, not just accommodations.

Kids may also experience excessive demands on their time when teachers choose to impose "differentiated task demands".

Absolutely. All kids must learn to prioritize, weigh their options, evaluate opportunity cost, and "choose their battles".

This week we are in mid-year exams. At the end of today's two exams, DS asked his teachers for the extra time! Well, one teacher had offered extra time to all the students anyway, but DS went ahead and took advantage of it. This is a big move for him, and asking the English teacher for it, and using it, and actually completing the writing, was a huge step forward.

I totally agree that by this time, most parents are less involved on the school side of their students' lives, AT school. But they are still involved in school at home. Now that he has the IEP, I AM able to be less involved at school. The accommodations and just the teachers' awareness are helpful. (I'm still going to verify with his English teacher that the two writing assignments that have been outstanding for 2 months have, as DS swears, been turned in. Trust and verify, that's our theme this year.)

Thanks for sharing your excellent news on today's utilization of extra test time.

Well said!

The Mid-year IEP report came. DS turned 18 just after grades were turned in, so I still have say over the reporting of goals from first semester. The report makes it look like DS met the goals, when in fact he did not, or just barely missed a goal, when in fact he missed it by a mile. I asked for the report be corrected. The case worker said he would change the verbiage (sic) but even that was incorrect. I'm still waiting for the corrected report.

I'm glad to hear he advocated for himself on the midterm.

Sorry to hear you are still having problems with the mid-year IEP. How did he do on the grades? Did the extra time help.

Getting anywhere with plans for next year?

Bluemagic, His grades were actually not bad, and he got an A on the English final which was mostly essay. From the kid who won't turn in an essay otherwise. He ended up with As, and Cs in the two classes that require some writing: Bio and English (the English is a Philosphy course, and his 1st quarter and final exam scores countered the 2nd quarter F).

For next year, he has an acceptance and a wait list, and the others require an audition so our February is a month of travel. Yes, you read that right: the kid with anxiety has to audition, and will, and has been preparing. He actually wants to double-major in music and either math or computer science. His doctor offered an additional prescription for the performance anxiety; I may go ahead and get it filled just to have on hand. I may need some, myself JK: I'm having to really control my frustration as he rushes to fill out audition forms at the last possible moment, and it's wearing on me.