Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion DS has no friends at school

I second minecraft and Legos as social lubricant. Also warrior cats, once he is a bit older.
However, sometimes none of the boys in class are a good fit.
Three options:
finding a good enough fit with a laid back good natured boy with laid back good natured parents and orchestrating fun play dates with trips to places where the kids are kept busy (parks, pools),
checking out whether any of the girls might be a fit (some kids that age won't play with the opposite gender but others couldn't care less),
put him in lots of activities outside school where he is part of a group that is kept busy, to create a common interest to bond about. Lots of suggestions already out there. My kid enjoys canoeing, rock climbing, altar boys. No best friends there, but positive social interaction and being part of a group.

As you may notice, I am big on having the child that is, for whatever reason, an outsider, be part of a group first. Then, only then, IMHO, can the kid work on their social skills. So, you might want to involve the teachers as well, to make sure there is a message that a class is a group working on a common goal and that it's okay to tell a kid: you can play but stop talking about tumours, it's upsetting, as opposed to go away, you can't play because you're too weird.

I also second reading the book "8 ways to raise a quirky child". YMMV on this book. I actually want to start a thread about it if I get around to it. The authors stance is that it is crucial for both social and intellectual development during the childhood years for a kid to interact with age peers and if a child is rejected for quirkiness (in particular for what he calls "depth seeking" - you'll recognise the description) to coach the child on how to adapt to his "breadth seeking" age peers.

I'm still on the fence - I totally agree on his warnings of not letting a child get lost in video gaming because they feel socially safe there, and that close personal interaction with other kids is crucial if only in order to make the child feel happier, if not healthier and smarted or whatever, but he appears to me to place too little importance on fit and the need for acceptance to also come from the age peers, and some validation of the child's depth seeking personalty in the ways it is not just about safety and isolation, but also about genuine healthy interests which may lead to further academic and professional development.
Another book on the topic, "When the labels don't fit" mentions the dichotomy between the need for integrity and the need for integration (not sure about the term used, might have been fitting in or acceptance or something) - some kids are ready to try to change for more social acceptance, some kids are not and how to find the right balance for the kids health and happiness.

If it helps any, DS9 has always struggled some, even though he always had the "at least one friend, and good enough playmates" situation going on - but by fourth grade, things appear to have really clicked, and suddenly his report card/his teacher said "this year, he was truly part of the group, had contacts to lots of kids, had friends to play with and even be silly with".