Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion DS has no friends at school

jai, you've received a lot of really good advice above. A few other things to consider -

You say your ds doesn't like sports, and that other kids at recess play basketball and soccer. Is it possible your ds doesn't "like" sports because he feels like he's not good at them or doesn't know how a game is played etc? If that's a possibility, you could help him practice with you just a bit (just enough to show him how or help him learn how to kick or dribble etc), and to show him it can be fun. I'm not a proponent of making kids all like sports or making a child participate in something they aren't interested in, but I also think that sometimes we tend to characterize "kids who like sports" vs "smart kids who are into science etc" as two different worlds, when really kids can like and enjoy both. Sports/play has a lot of components that are worth pursuing - health, relaxation, fun, social skills. And chances are some of those kids out there playing soccer at recess also like science - but want to play soccer at recess. KJP mentioned that it might be difficult to find any child (gifted or not) who's interested in talking about tumors - I agree with KJP, but also have a child who would *love* to talk to anyone for hours on end about how tumors develop - but at recess, she's going to be playing soccer, or participating in whatever active group activity is going on.

Have you talked to your ds' teacher about your concerns? Two good reasons to do that - she'll have the perspective on what's going on in class, is he doing ok socially there or does he seem isolated? She can also help pair him up with students in a way that might facilitate him making friends.

Re the science club at school - if it lacks a leader, can you lead it? You don't have to be a rocket scientist to lead an after-school science club, there are a lot of resources for ideas online if you're doing something independent. If you want to do robotics or something that is through a national organization you can get training and support and mostly just need to be an adult who's willing to put in the time and are motivated to work with young children. One thing we did find though, in our school district, was that in order to sponsor/lead a club, we needed to have a teacher at the school who was a co-sponsor and who was present after school throughout each meeting. Even if your school doesn't require that, it might help you advocate for a club if you can find a teacher who would like to see the type of club you want to start at your school.

Last note, my son had difficulty making friends in early elementary. In his case, he had an expressive language challenge that went unrecognized for the first few years of school. It took us a long time to recognize it because when he did talk, he could talk your ear off for hours about really complicated subjects and he sounded a lot like an adult. So everyone thought, hey, he's an exceptionally smart kid (when he was talking) and, hey, he's just the silent type (when he wasn't talking). Once he was in school, he also had teachers thinking, hey, he's socially not adept (when he was alone on the playground) or hey, he's checking out (when he wasn't answering questions in class). Chances are your ds doesn't have anything remotely similar going on, but I think it's important not to frame everything from the concept of having a gifted child, therefore he doesn't fit in - but instead look at it from the point of view of: this child is having difficulty fitting in on the playground (or wherever) - are there any skills that he could learn that will help.

Hope that makes sense!

polarbear