Thank you all, again, for your input. It really helped me to calm down, trust my instincts, and regroup.
We have made some good progress. I told DD's psychologist that we were not willing to go forward with the screening with the ASD specialist at that practice because the rapport was so bad. She said that she would talk to the team there to see if we could be switched to one of the other ASD specialists. While we were waiting to hear back from her, DD's principal emailed me and asked me to come in for a chat. I met with the principal a few days later, and she basically just sat me down and said "What do you want?" Which was overwhelming, really. I don't know what I want, I don't know what we need, because I don't even know what we're facing yet. It sounds like she was mostly pushing in the direction of specifics for 504 accommodations, at least for the anxiety. Knowing where and when to accommodate and intervene with a child's anxiety is difficult, because there's a line somewhere between where special care should be taken, yet exposure is important for moving forward. I am obviously way too new to this to be deciding where that line is.
The principal mentioned things about this "pandora's box of testing", and what, really, is the point in labeling a child. I understand her concerns and can see where she is coming from, but I also maintain a wariness of that sort of thinking. There's a large poster in the school office, one of the first things you see as you enter to pick up your child or check in for a meeting, that says "What difference does the difference make?" Again, I can understand the sentiment and some of its value, but each time I see the stupid thing I want to yell "Really? Where should I start?!" I'm sure some of you can understand.
Anyway, the best thing to come out of the meeting with the principal was that she ended up giving me the name of a psychologist she had worked with a lot in the past. She said that he is mostly-retired, but that I should try to contact him to see if he would be willing to take us on. It is a self-pay situation, but it seemed worth looking into. I contacted him, and as soon as we began talking it felt like I had found an old friend. His methods are different than the hospital practice's ASD screening, but it sounds like a very good difference. He prefers to observe the child in the classroom and at recess before ever having met with the child (both so that the child doesn't know that they're being watched, and so that he can get a very real picture of what issues may be there.) It sounds ideal. He does not plan to do a WISC, which I am fine with.
I have since heard so many glowing reviews of this dr. DD's psych ended up offering us an appointment with a dr at their practice that would be a better fit, who I have also heard good things about, but when she and I discussed the pros and cons of going this private route, vs using their system, she even ended up saying that if it were her own child and she could afford it, she would definitely go this private route. So I am hopeful that we are finally able to get some good answers. I am aware that regardless of the diagnosis, I am really only getting started on whatever the journey will be. But it's at least a step forward, I guess.
