When dealing with advocating with the schools about my son (when he was young) whose anxiety came out sideways (looked like anger, or sometimes a bazillion questions, in the beginning stages until he was completely unglued), I was lucky (?) because I had specific things that caused anxiety attacks. Bathrooms (flushing), elevators, changes in routine without warning, etc.
So in our meeting we first tackled the very specific triggers and I shared what worked and what I specifically didn't want them to do. Like there is no elevator in the school but if for some reason they were on a field trip and there was an elevator...this is the protocol for handling it. (That never came up but in discussing it I could go over what anxiety looked like in him, what our psychologist's and family plan for handling it was). So then we moved over to bathroom which was going to occur at school. Signs, symptoms, plan of action. What not to do. Then we moved on to change of plans/schedule unexpected. By this time they were getting the picture of what it looked like in the beginning stages and where it could end up if not handled correctly.
That was the list of specific anxiety triggers. Then I explained to them that he also had just low level general anxiety going 24/7 and it didn't take much to push him over the edge. Really it was a bucket thing...he could look fine but that one drop added to his bucket could cause a flood. I really just asked that if I emailed and said we were going on hour 3 of anxiety attack/melt down and that I was calling an end to homework for that day...that they not penalize him academically for his disability and to give him time to regroup and try again and turn it in late. MOST of his attacks happened at home. That was one of the problems in that they didn't witness the worst of it. (but luckily his classmates didn't either so he was never stigmatized by his actions...sometimes he was grumpier than necessary in the first stages of his anxiety but kids could understand a random bad mood).
Anyway...I hope something in there helps.
