My school age daughters (8 and 6) go to a private all girls' school. There are some exceedingly competitive mothers but they tend to want their children to be good at EVERYTHING - to be clever, the "best" swimmer, the best in dance etc. Those children, I think are overvalued and under enormous pressure already to be "the best". They are, in my opinion, hugely over scheduled with family time compromised by after school activities. These are the kids whose mums tell them to "run slowly" during the heats in sports day so they end up racing against slower children and are therefore more likely to win a ribbon, who promise their children gifts (an iPad!) if they win an academic prize, who organise the school readers so they know what level every child is on and can therefore complain (weekly) to the teacher when they feel their own child isn't progressing quickly enough, who travel over an hour away to go to the "best" dance teacher for their competent but not particular talented child, who tell their daughters they are "little princesses" and dress them in miniature versions of their own designer outfits.
The families I know who are more realistic and pragmatic tend to have kids who enjoy their extracurricular activities and who try hard and are happy to acknowledge others' talents. My girls are both very academic and do get prizes and praise for their skills but they don't rate their own talents any more highly than their friend who can do amazing cartwheels, or another who is a champion runner or a classmate who is already amazing at art. DD6 is aware of how mathematical she is; she's had a few school based tests and is clever enough to realise the impression she's made but when a friend of hers pointed out that the was probably the worst in her class at art she more than readily agreed. (I felt a bit affronted on her behalf but she didn't care a jot).
As a mum of two very clever girls (and I think the other two kids are heading that way too) I'm aiming for the "end game" of university. So minimising any external fuss made now because eventually, they're going to (hopefully) end up studying with kids as clever as them and I don't want their whole self esteem based around them being "brilliant". DH and I were both "gifted" as children and easily the top of our schools but not the top of our chosen uni cohort. We also applaud their efforts and progress in their chosen sports where they're doing well but certainly will never win any prizes.
