DD has ADHD and I was also told that she does not qualify for a 504 because she's not failing. I ended up forwarding information about laws and eligibility to the school psych who had told me that. She ignored my email but then a month later she wrote back and said she talked to the special ed director. I also had problems with DS and his IEP and the special ed director started coming to his IEP meetings and made sure things were done correctly by the school. Once you start talking about laws, I think you will see some action. I also smiled and said pleasantly a time or two, that "I hope I won't have to call the State again to clarify this." (the people in the Special Ed dept. for the State in "Compliance" were very helpful over the phone...more helpful, actually, then when I tried an advocacy group.) At one point Compliance actually called the Spec. Ed director. I was never nasty or over-emotional, I just made it clear that I knew about laws. I think that's what got me furthest ahead.
