Hi sweetpeas,
I have two bright DC, both with VERY different personalities, also. One of them managed to get into trouble at pre-K and K because DC is so strong-willed and questions "EVERYTHING." The other was described by the teacher this year as "Mr(s). Perfect" (Ewwwwwww, right?), because (s)he is so compliant.
The longer I parent these children, the stronger I believe that so much of what we see as "personality" is innate. As the parent of a strong-willed, but extremely bright DC, these kiddos present unique challenges. Traditional parenting techniques will often fail, and teachers may simply conclude that these children lack discipline ("Strong-willed" DC has actually has probably spent 10x as much time on "time out" as "more compliant" DC - with minimal effect).
So I can relate to your post. I have found that a "good school year" all comes down to the "teacher-child" fit. You can have "poor-fit" teacher for your child at your private or your public school. I have taken every opportunity to ensure that "strong-willed" DC has had good teacher fits, and we have had some excellent teachers. My DC are both in public school. Like many schools, our schools do not have a G&T program until 3rd grade. No - definitely NOT a PERFECT fit. But I do feel our schools have some things going for them, in addition to some excellent teachers. Differentiation is utilized, taking advantage of the high student population. The high schools are also excellent, some of the best in the nation.
One word of caution - I try NOT to tell my DC they are "smart." I try to praise them for hard work, doing their best, and staying focused. My DC are still young and have many years of education them, so I want them to think of learning as something they need to keep doing. I want my children to learn to challenge themselves and try to learn something new every day. DC knows (s)he is in the G&T program at school, but I think (s)he also knows that there is a great deal of interesting things out in the world (s)he still can learn.
All of my best to you and your DC!
