My DS5, kindergarten, would be friendly to your son - lending support because I know this is a tough age for sensitive little guys.
My DS5 is a follower (yes, this concerns me) and REALLY wants to be liked by his long-time friends. DS seems to "blend" very well with most children, because he is very flexible and adaptable in his approach to friendships. He is also very sensitive and sweet (which he can "hide" around his rough and tumble buddies).
We strictly control media, too, but DS is my younger child, so he is more exposed to media than my older DC was. DS's friends play and watch games and shows at their house that I do not allow at home. DS is actually VERY good at understanding what is appropriate and inappropriate, so this has not been too much of a problem, but boys this age already feel the peer pressure to be just like the other boys.
With DS, we keep reminding him that you can have many interests. Your interests are what makes you unique. You have some "shared interests" with your friends (video-game characters that we limit at home), but your other non-shared interests are important, too (science, geography, math). As parents, we encourage him to enjoy his "non-shared" interests with us at home.
DS is not the most athletic kid in his group of friends, but he has taken some sports classes this year. He has improved his skills, learned to love a sport that is good for his health, and learned the lingo so he can discuss sports with his friends. I do think that at a minimum, UNDERSTANDING sports (they cannot all be the best athletes) is good for boys socially.
With his friends, DS will jump off of playground equipment and talk about video game characters - fits right in. At home, he carries around and cuddles a sweet-looking stuffed animal and reads about the oceans.
Your DS just needs to meet some friends he can share a couple of interests with. Perhaps there are some boys nearby who like the "more tame" video games and share a couple of other interests? Can your son take a class with one of these boys? DS has really developed some new interests by taking classes with some of his friends. I think you are not alone in controlling media - I think like you do, but we allow some leeway when DS is at his long-time friends' house because I do not think he is exposed to anything THAT far out of what I think is acceptable.
All the best to you and your DS!
