Thank you very much for your responses. I guess what bothers me most is that I feel that by treating him like he is "autistic" rather than like he is smart seems to be making his behaviors worse. The whole clear, concise directives thing for instance. I know I would not comply if someone said "pick up" loudly and pointed to something on the floor. At home I would say "Sweetie Pie, please pick up that book that fell on the floor so that no one will trip and fall if they step on it". Guess who he listens to? No one wants to be ordered around or talked down to.
At school I know he is bored. I know that at home you allow boredom to occur in my child at your own peril. I have to keep him occupied all day or he ends up destroying things or just running around yelling numbers at the top of his lungs. At school they won't teach him new lessons because his behavior isn't good enough. He's not allowed to use any material he hasn't had a lesson on. He's basically able to choose from some pouring activities, color boxes, and just recently a number writing activity. Now he writes numbers all day at school. But when that gets too boring he starts up with the behaviors again.
His school is very particular about the right way to do things or use classroom material and he is always trying different stuff with it or using it in non-functional ways (according to reports). I guess I thought Montessori would be good for a kid like him and they went on and on about how the school was founded to educate children with disabilities much like his.
I can't imagine how bored he must have been for first 3 months during which the only options he had for materials were color boxes 1 and 2, especially since he has known his colors since 12 months.
I really think that not getting a full understanding of a child's cognitive skills is detrimental to treating them. I also think the school just doesn't like all the extra bother and just want him out of the classroom. We just had an FBA done there in January covering 4 weeks of observation and they found that he had 0-8 behaviors per day with a mean of 2.3 per day. Of those most were escape/avoidance, followed by whining, and most rare was aggression. Basically he is hitting or pushing less than once a day. Don't some typically developing kids do that as well?
He's at school right now and I was so upset to leave him there today. Before he went to school he was writing sentences. His paper sitting in front on me says "It is snowy today". At school he is in a confusing and hostile place where the only escape is to sit and write numbers on his 100 chart. I'm not worried about him not learning at school, he doesn't really need to learn any faster than he already is. I'm concerned about the lack of appreciation in general and especially the fact that they treat him like a behavior problem who needs to comply happily with every adult directive while in a boring and unrewarding environment.
I don't want to school to do an IQ assessment. I'm sure they would find exactly what they expect to find. I've looked around for private testers, but none will test till 5 or 6. Plus with the autism thing I am not even sure who would be qualified to test him. I would be happy to just keep him home next year, but already his wraparound people are all over me about picking something better for next year.
I know social skills are important and need to be practiced, but aren't there lots of ways to work on social skills outside of a classroom? I plan to pick back up the activities we quit in the fall, music and gym. We do an indoor playground place frequently in the winter and with spring coming playgrounds are almost back on the menu. If anyone was really worried about his social skills I would think he would get some services addressing that area, or a classroom. When did throwing socially immature kids into an impossibly overwhelming environment become the best way to treat HFA?
It seems ever since he was 10 months old and clearly different from every other kid (both socially and academically) I have had nothing but questions and no answers. Everything is always wait and see. I am an answers person. The entire year from 1-2 that I worried about him but was reassured by the pediatrician, the following 6 months when I was waiting for our appointment to find out if he was autistic, from that day at 2.5 when they said he is autistic until now at 4 wondering if he is just autistic or autistic and gifted. And now another year or two more to wait to answer that question.
I honestly am so sick of waiting and wondering and therapy and all of the negativity most days I just want to call and cancel everything and never leave the house again. My son is a beautiful, happy, and very sweet kid. I don't even know this kid they seem to have at school. I'm going to pick him up now, I hope today's report isn't too harsh and that the stares from the other moms aren't too difficult to ignore.
