I get this a lot. I use some of the same methods Zen describes to avoid coming across as too pushy. Except when it's obvious I should be taking the lead, I generally try not to unless it's obvious that there's a leadership vacuum, and then I fill that vacuum.
In a collaborative situation, I deliberately avoid making firm declarative statements. Unless I'm 100% sure of a fact, I'll start off by saying, "My understanding is that...", partly because I'm genuinely interested if anyone has more information on the subject. When we're looking for a decision, I'll be careful to paint my input as an opinion, and if anyone has a different opinion, I'm fine with that.
I use some of these same tactics here on this board. For instance, when it comes to parenting advice, I generally share anecdotes about what works in my individual situation, and "This is what I would do, based on the information shared so far..."
And yet, here among fellow gifted parents, I've been told that I can come across to people as something of a bully. I've also seen that sentiment expressed towards at least one other poster, who does not come across as a bully in my opinion.
Ultimately, you can't control how other people feel, so it's really not in your hands.
