I personally wouldn't want to medicate a kid that is only showing ADHD behaviour at school (which I think is what you're saying above, if not then ignore). The behaviours are his way of dealing with some sort of underlying issue. Medicating without knowing the true cause could be like sticking a bandaid on his toe when it is actually his finger that is the problem. If it turns out it isn't actually ADHD then the bandaid might help for a bit (at least as a distraction) but eventually the real issue will return. Now the million dollar question is what is the issue (or issues). Is it a poor teacher fit? LD? Actual ADHD? Sensory? ????
It sounds like the school is trying to help sort it out. It will be a slow process but you're going in the right path. I would also second considering testing privately. We came out of private testing with a detailed 14 page report with very clear IEP recommendations. They have been invaluable and have saved us and DS a lot of frustration which has had a major positive effect on his behaviour. Our downward spiral was reversed - there is hope.
I know it's hard when you have lots of people saying nothing definitive but hopefully they will be able to help get to the bottom of this (and sooner rather than later). We were really lucky that we found an amazing ed. psych right away. When she read her report it was a major "aha" moment for DH and I. It made sense of so much of what we've dealt with for the past 7 years. Eventually you will find someone that "gets" your DS and will have the background to fit the pieces together. Until then, keep digging
Oh and pace yourself, this worrying crap is exhausting - I say this as someone who has lost A LOT of sleep over my DS over the years (and I'm sure will do it again), easier said than done I know. You definitely are not alone if that helps.
