... a meeting that will include her and the principal...
How long is the meeting? Might you request that in order to be well prepared and make the best use of everyone's time, you be furnished in advance with an agenda of topics, discussion items, action items and decisions to be made, timeframes or important dates, etc?
... I am guessing she's going to ...
Some say that coming up with a "worst case scenario" and working backward from there is helpful. What is your "worst case scenario"? For some, it may be the school saying "we cannot accommodate your needs and suggest you look elsewhere." What would be your Plan B if this were to occur? Thinking of your worst case scenario and coming up with options may prove helpful.
... not accommodate his motor issues in homework at home as she feels they are fully accommodated already...
You may have mentioned evals and reports elsewhere, so I apologize for not recalling if you did, but just for your own preparation and you don't need to answer about it here... do you have evals and reports which document motor issues and the need for accommodations which are greater than the accommodations which he is receiving? ...anything to show he is not fully accommodated already?
... We are working on getting DS a 504 for motor delay. The school says he is grade level in writing. I don't think so as he only completes his work with the teacher doing half of it (which she does happily, she has been helping him quite a bit).
Is this part of his accommodation?
So there is some friction there between us and the school already.
The friction is disagreement regarding motor delay or being at grade level in writing? Grade level may be a wide band, he may be within low normal?
...
Until that and DSs disruptive behavior was resolved we had not been pushing gifted issues at all. Which is not to say gifted isn't a huge issue, the busywork and lack of content is a huge strain for him.
Is the meeting about one issue only - attitude/behavior?
Are gifted issues on the table for this meeting?
Are 504/motor issues/accommodations on the table for this meeting?
(Again, no pressure to answer... these are just some things to think about to possibly help you in planning and preparation)
...my first question is, how does one respond to a teacher problem with the child's attitude without insulting their classroom management or their inability to "get" the most basic issues my DS has (of which they've been informed several times)?
Some might
agree there may an attitude problem, while handing them copies of research-based articles describing how a challenge worthy of their potential often helps gifted kids brighten up. I may mention this too often, but Stephanie Tolan's analogy,
Is It a Cheetah? can also be very helpful.
Last meeting we didn't get a word in edgewise.
This is where nodding in agreement while passing out copies may be helpful. You may also wish to take notes. Some find good results in recapping the meeting. This has been discussed elsewhere by several posters.
Does anyone have any tips on how to politely get time to talk? I feel if I say, "Last time we didn't get a chance to speak, how many minutes will you be here and can we have half of those to share our concerns?" that I would get a poor reception.
This is where having an agenda may come in handy. Asking for one, even if one is not subsequently provided, may send a positive message.
