Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional teacher meeting about child's attitude

A few ideas to ponder -


My first piece of advice - never guess or assume re what you will hear at a meeting. Definitely listen to your gut instincts as well as any info and cues you have from the school staff before the meeting, prep yourself to be able to explain what you think might be *behind* the behaviors, but try not to over-guesstimate what the meeting will be like.

Also remember - whatever agenda the school staff has, it is still a meeting which is an opportunity for you to voice your questions and offer up ideas you have.


Was the 504 plan suggested by the school, or did you request it? Have you had testing or observations/evals/etc to back up the request?


This can be tricky. First thing is - when you are talking about "grade level in writing" it's important to separate out handwriting from written expression and be sure you are all talking about the same set of skills. A child might be extremely delayed with handwriting but able to "write" ahead of grade level when given handwriting accommodations. OTOH, a child who has no issues with handwriting might have a challenge with putting thoughts together no matter what the output form (writing, typing etc). And there are a million other possible issues - for instance, a child who is challenged with spelling can have a tough tough time producing written work because they are expending so much energy or worry or whatever with trying to spell.

It sounds from what you've written that you are concerned written expression (the note about the teacher working with your ds individually to produce his written work) - but that's just a guess on my part. Anyway, if that's a concern, I'd probably caution you that it's possible she's working with other children in the class to the same degree on written expression. I sat in and observed my ds' 2nd grade class during writing workshop and then volunteered in my ds' 3rd grade class during their weekly writing workshop - all of this because my ds has an LD related to written expression and he was struggling tremendously in school at that time - and I wanted to see how writing was taught and what his peers were doing. There was still, at our school, even in 3rd grade, quite a bit of hands-on instruction from the teachers working with individual students when they were writing stories etc. The teachers helped across the writing process - everything from brainstorming ideas, editing grammar and spelling, etc. So "getting help" from the teacher to finish assignments isn't necessarily an indication that your ds is challenged. I'd recommend looking closely as he works at home - what does he seem to have issues with? Is he able to think up ideas to write about, and look for areas he seems to have challenges with. Bring examples of the challenges you've seen at home to the meeting (note - these don't have to be work examples, they can also be things like a note describing how you asked him to write a story about himself, and he couldn't think of anything to write, what you did together to brainstorm, did it work etc).


I don't think you've had IQ testing yet - is that right? (If you have, ignore this suggestion lol!). Our experience has been that it is hard both to argue that behavior issues and lack of achievement at this age is due to lack of challenge unless you have data to back up your argument. Having an IQ test (and achievement testing) will help tremendously, as well as potentially help to identify challenges if any do exist. I also would add that back in early elementary, before I knew my ds was 2e, I knew he was obviously (to me) quite intellectually gifted. Yet school didn't go anywhere nearly as smoothly as I had anticipated - and his teachers didn't see that same level of intellectual ability that we saw at home. I put so much of that off onto things like boredom with the curriculum, not wanting to do busy work or worksheets that he obviously knew how to do, perfectionism etc - but really, being gifted in a typical classroom wasn't what was driving most of his classroom behaviors - it was the 2nd e, an undiagnosed learning challenge, that was driving the classroom behaviors. You've already noted fine motor delays - I would keep an open mind and listen to what the teacher and school staff are telling you, there may be clues in what they have to say that while, possibly off-base, may still offer up important information.


The first thing is, I would never insult a teacher's classroom management (I know you wouldn't intentionally either). If you feel the way the classroom is managed or organized is causing challenges for your ds, then explain it without emotion or accusations. For instance, if "science" time is a bunch of kids running around doing "project" work without obvious supervision or whatever, explain that your ds needs structure to be successful. Think through what would help your ds - maybe a gentle reminder to stay on task, whatever.


This is a good plan! Try to bring any kind of data that you can too, to back up what you see as issues.


Yep, if you offered up that you'd get a poor reception! My suggestion is to first, listen to everything. Have a list with you of what you want to say - think it through before the meeting, but refrain from being anxious to share first and simply listen. Ask questions as they come up during the current discussion, but don't get off track by trying to bring up your agenda items before the school has a chance to get through their agenda (unless of course, the school is talking about something on your list). Then, after the school has gone through their list, politely tell everyone that you have additional items to address. If the school says no-can-do because you are out of time, request another meeting to address them specifically. After the meeting is over, send out a brief email summarizing what was discussed and decided upon, and at the end of that email list the things that were left not-discussed from your list and again request another meeting to discuss.


Yes, quite a few times. Our ds' first school was dead-set on denying him services for his 2e challenge, and they came to meetings well-prepared with "proof" that there were no issues and everything was hunky-dory and at grade level etc.


You will probably never know the back-story behind what's up with the school staff. In our case, ds had a teacher who was extremely concerned about his performance in class until the IEP eligibility process started and (we are guessing) she was coached by the administration to do everything she could to prove he was doing just fine. We also had the experience of having our district rep seem to nod and smile and be attempting to encourage us when we voiced an idea that she thought we should - yet she couldn't just come out and bring up the idea herself. Examples of schoolwork that were brought to meetings were highly contrived to back up the school's contention that all was well. The meetings were clearly prepped and orchestrated - but not knowing what is behind that, or what the school team was really thinking, doesn't mean you can't advocate using the data you have accumulated and your knowledge of your child. You need to really understand as much as you can about what's going on with your child, how it is impacting him in school, and what your school/school district/state policies are. That's what you need to know and present in meetings - and just keep putting that out on the table and making sure it's heard.


Again, you don't know what it's going to be until it happens. Is anyone besides the principal going to be there? Usually what happens when the principal is called in is one of two things - the principal might simply be there either to back up the teacher or to mediate, or it might be the first step in the school's process in evaluating a child for services (ie, a "team" meeting).

Hope some of that helps!

polarbear