I think that one of the most important advocacy tools you can have is an understanding of your particular school's institutional dynamics. When DD started K at what turned out to be a horrible inter district magnet I thought we were dealing with giftedness coupled with some challenges that could be easily overcome. I became "that parent" in a good way. I did anything and everything I could to help out in the school. Every teacher and most students knew me. The principal was out injured most of the year but I harnessed the Asst Principal as a strong ally. This did not help with the bully teacher DD was assigned but it helped get her moved to another classroom. It did not help in any way with getting them to be willing to assess DD for learning disabilities because that was a district wide culture. Suburban kids were there to help with their test scores not to sap resources. I learned too late for DD's sake that it was not a situation that could have worked for her no matter what efforts I made.
When we transferred to our local elementary after her 2E identification I started off grateful as could be. I was in tears thanking everyone for their help. Parent involvement at the school was strictly limited but I joined every PTA committee and volunteered at any and all opportunities. She had a wonderful 1st grade teacher and a wonderful spec ed teacher. However the principal who ran the school was totally toxic and unqualified. She made it her mission to put every possible stumbling block in DD's way. If her anxiety was increased enough DD would be transferred (by us or by the district) to another school and would no longer be her problem.
Once this writing was on the wall I took as opposite a tactic as I could. I armed myself with knowledge and with professionals. We now have an educational consultant, a spec ed attorney and a psychologist well versed in 2E and educational issues. Accountability has become my mantra. I quote the IEP, the law and the district's words back to them. I am always on guard.
I have to say that the last tactic has been the most effective but it is not one I recommend unless/until you have exhausted all others and it is really your only choice. It is not for the faint of heart and has taken its toll on me - emotionally, psychologically, physically, financially - in every way imaginable. In the end we got the district to do everything they could to help DD to succeed, to approve paying for out of district placement when it became apparent that they could not meet her needs themselves and even to remove that horrible principal from her position once we documented enough of what had been going on.
So I would suggest gaining as much knowledge as you can as you try to advocate for your child. Document, document, document. Test scores and work samples go a long way. Professionals to advocate for your position are enormously helpful. Ideally try to deal with the teachers and administrators as partners but prepared if this doesn't work out. Yes they want your child to succeed - they really do. But they have rules and mandates and precedents to worry about. Their top loyalty is generally to their district. You may find someone like that first Asst Principal I worked with who will do whatever s/he can to help but at a certain point they hit a wall. That is just the reality.
Good luck. This advocacy stuff is hard, hard work. I think at some point most of us have beaten ourselves up because we wish we had said or done something differently. I like to try to remember that there is a steep, steep learning curve with this stuff and often times districts take advantage of that fact. They have protocols and rules because they have been down this road before. For most of us it is our first journey or one that has been completed with only 1 or 2 older children. So learn as much as you can, as fast as you can, but understand that you are working within a system that is designed by the district to protect the district. Keep your eyes open and don't be too hard on yourself.
