yeah, HK - all of that really rings true. thanks so much for spending so much time with this, i really appreciate it. i'm going to print this off so i can reference it when things seem particularly dire.
you nailed it - this problem definitely was born in school - before she went to Pre-K last year, she was the opposite of a perfectionist - a total risk-taker, and quite confident she could master anything/everything. they really took that from her by only rewarding (her great) results, which is the opposite of what that particular school was supposed to be about - and it took me way too long to see that. at the spring Parent-Teacher meeting, i literally said, "i think she needs more failure in her life," and they looked at me like i was a child abuser. (i wish i was kidding.)
thanks for the reminder about The Velveteen Rabbit - we haven't read that in years - i'm going to pull it out.
in the past few days we've had a few excellent conversations about expecting failure and not letting fear limit her participation. she designed a sort of learning number line (Unknown Unknown -> Known Unknown -> Trials & Effort -> Known Known) and we talked about where she feels the worst (K/U, obviously.) i think she was surprised to notice that Trials & Effort was not the place where she feels the worst, but that Known Unknown is easily dealt with by just starting the next step. i think it helped her to see it in a visual progression.
it's the self-limiting aspect of all of this that is so hard for me - at this point in her life, her possibilities should feel essentially limitless.
thanks again, all. it means a lot.
Last edited by doubtfulguest; 08/09/13 08:29 AM.
