we've got this right now with DD5 - and the biggest success we've had is making it clear that acknowledging people when they speak/make requests is the polite thing to do. it's made a big difference with her - i honestly don't think she had any idea how rude she seemed - she was just totally preoccupied!
it's still a bit of a trick for her to do the boring stuff with good grace, but that'll come in time i think. for now, it's enough to see her rejoin the outside world in a timely manner and comply with the daily stuff that just has to be endured (chores/getting ready.) i bet eventually she'll clue in that she's in charge of how much of a trauma all of that actually needs to be!
