We have run across lots of teachers and other adults in the "cry it out camp" who believe kids will just "get over it" if parents butt out and let the professionals handle it. This was a bigger problem at younger ages but I have always felt/known this approach to be wrong for my child.
My son is like yours in that if someone tried to force him to do something he would no longer trust that person. He would remember it for months and there would be no going back. From a very early age this was true. Other adults who "knew better" would not believe me despite my instructions and would invariably ruin the opportunity for me to healthfully involve my child in that situation.
I agree whole-heartedly that you need to trust your instincts. This is a bad fit for your child and the therapists are not listening to and respecting you. I don't trust any "professionals" who do not respect a child's parents as fundamental partners in the success of therapy and true experts in who that child is and what he needs.I hope you can make a change that gets more effective results for your goals.
