I don't want to damage his spirit, or any learning gifts. It is purely selfish on my end to end the tantrums.
Not at all selfish. Learning self-control is a very important lesson, and one that is foundational for getting along with others.
In our house, the rule is that if you tantrum for something, you will not have it; it will be put away. Even if it's "good for you" (online math). If you ask sweetly, as long as it's safe, moral, and not a grave inconvenience to anyone, it's likely to be "yes."
I don't think teaching a child to behave damages his spirit. On the contrary, not teaching him to behave sets him up for a lifetime of difficulties. JMO.
DeeDee
