ABQmom - we had to try twice to get our DD diagnosed (with aspergers), the first time it seemed like they agreed and then it went south in a quite mystifying way, we actually suspect they lost their notes or just noted hard (bordeline) test results and forgot their "soft" impressions which had guided them in giving their opinion verbally on the first day. Second time she was diagnosed, though it was very clear that one if the two opinions was unconvinced and gave the diagnosis grudgingly. The other opinion provider believed us, agreed it's mild but there. I swing between thinking I am crazy to think she is anything but normal and knowing that she is distinctly not normal and the label will help her understand her own difference and help us get her the services and understanding she needs to adapt and thrive. We could easily have not labelled her, she's borderline, but there are increasingly questions she asks us to which the appropriate answer is "because you have aspergers dear, but we can help you work on that". To me that is a better answer than "I don't know" or more negative labels she may get from teachers or peers in response to those issues, I'd rather tell her she has aspergers, it makes her think differently, than "you're lazy/stupid/annoying/rude/deliberately difficult". Certainly when there are issues at school teachers are more responsive to a label, partly because a professional has said it's "real" an partly because the label tells them allowances need to be made and hopefully what kind.
